As We Fall
by Forbidden.Love.21
Summary: Risking everything, Lillian goes to the past to save the future. Only problem, In doing so she will be destroying everything she knows; including herself and the man she loves.
1. Going Back

_**And I'm praying that we will see  
Something there and in between  
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream  
So we can talk about it  
-So I thought. // .flyleaf.//-**_

We ran hand in hand away from the demons who were sent to stop us, too kill us. We dared not stop even for a second, for even a second we didn't have to lose. This was our one and only chance, a chance that we risked everything to get.

The burning buildings of the broken city laid in our conscious as we ran towards one of the last standing churches. Slamming the large heavy wooden door behind us, blocking it with the salt -that had took us months to find- and symbols of protection.

I took in the old abandon church, cobwebs gathered in ever corner. The smell of mildew and must made me nauseas.

"Hurry Lillian, We don't have time" Ben said as he took to the front of the church, kneeling down drawling the symbols and casting the circle.

I stood in awe of him, ignoring the warning noises of the mob outside the church trying to find their way in.

"Ben" My voice cracked, I walked towards him knowing it was five minutes to midnight. His warm brown eyes held mine for a moment before he smiled at me causing my breath to catch.

"It'll be okay" He knew what I was thinking, what I had been thinking when the possibility of this became a reality.

If this worked like we wanted it too, then it would be the last time we saw each other forever.

_Forever._

That word made my heart bleed in ways I thought were impossible.

We had to do this, this was more then just about us. This was about the world as a whole. We had to stop the demons from taking over the world, from hell being the only heaven we would ever know.

"Are you ready?" He asked as he took my small hands into his large ones. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice.

He stroked my cheek with his thumb before bending down and kissing me.

_Our last kiss._

The thought caused me to chock back the sob that was threatening to escape. Tears glistened in his eyes as he looked down at me.

"We have to do this…" His eyes pleaded with me, I knew the truth of his words but that didn't stop the pain from hurting me.

"I know" I said as I stood up on my tippy toes to kiss him once again.

The sound of a window shattering broke our connection.

"Ben?" I asked panicked, knowing the time was coming. They found a way in, a way after us.

"Lets go" He said taking me over to stand in the middle of the circle. "Are you ready Lillian?" I nodded my head making sure I didn't lose sight of his eyes.

He took the silver knife from his belt as I held my arm out.

"Do you give yourself over freely and fully?" He asked his voice laced with the pain and guilt I knew was inside of him. "Yes" I said as he ran the knifes' blade down across his wrist. I forced myself not to cringe at he offered me his wrist, I licked the blood that felt like acid to my stomach.

"Then what is, shall be no more" He said as he raised the blade to my heart, a tears running down his face.

A loud boom sounded as the wooden doors exploded.

"BEN!" I screamed at the sound knowing we were down to the final seconds. I looked towards the door and saw _him _standing there, looking like he did the last time I saw him.

"Lillian look at me" I looked at Ben who had tears in his eyes.

"I love you Lillian. I will always love you" He said as he took the knife and slammed into my heart.


	2. Every Night Is A Fight

_**Can you explain to me how  
You're so evil, how?  
**__**It's too late for me now  
There's a hole in the earth  
I'm out.  
**__**-Hole in the .// deftones//-**_

"No!" gasping a clutched my chest, expecting to feel the pain of death at my door. But I felt nothing, nothing but the dampness of the ground I laid on. And a pounding headache that made it impossible for me to open my eyes.

It must have been a side effect from the spell, from traveling back. I smiled, it worked. Then it fully hit me it worked, Such a strong sense of sadness washed over me. It worked, I was dead in the future, Ben… Oh Ben, What are they doing to you?

I knew they would keep him alive, if you consider what they would do to him being alive. I cried for him, and the pain he would be going through. If I didn't finish this job, If I didn't change the past he would become the monster they always wanted him to be.

If I did change the past? I chocked back a hard shudder. If I changed the past, the world would be saved. Millions of lives wouldn't be ruined, and hell would be walking on earth. And I would be dead, never knowing the touch of my lovers hand again.

"Hey hey… Take it easy" I heard a deep voice say as arms from behind brought me up to sitting position. Hands slid along my stomach, causing a sour taste to come in my mouth.

Stupid boy, He didn't know who he was messing with, I thought. I elbowed him hard enough to cause him to gasp and kicked hard enough to cause him to fall to his butt.

"Damn it" I heard him utter.

I rolled away from him, and jumped to my feet. Praying that my knife was in my waistband. I felt him approach me, I tried to open my eyes.

_OPEN!_

I screamed at myself. Getting attacked by some pervert guy who wanted to cop at feel was not the way I wanted to go out. I had a job to do, and this was not a part of it.

I opened my eyes just in time to see the city I was in, it was dark and barely lit. The beauty of it was amazing, no horrid noises of death in the air -except the guy in front of me was about to charge after me, or more so my knife and I would end up killing him- stupid mistake buddy.

Before I had a chance to push the knife into an major artery, he grabbed my wrist and spun me around using my weight against me till my back was against his chest and my knife was to my own throat.

"Easy there tiger" he said, hardly out of breath. I frowned, he must know how to fight. Just my luck, I get here and get attacked by someone who knows how to fight. It's going to make it harder to kill him, but not impossible.

I sighed and relaxed my body against his. "You should just give up, sir. Not trying to be rude but this would go a lot easier if you just let me go"

"Is that right?" I heard the amusements in his voice which did nothing but fuel my rage I felt.

"Yeah. That is right" I said as I took my loose arm and wrapped my hand around my blade that was threatening to cut my throat. I felt it slice into my hand as I pulled it away from me and the attacker being shocked by the sudden twist had loosen his body stance and hold which allowed me to turn towards him with the knife against his throat.

The streetlight that had barely been giving off any light seemed to be shinning brighter then before. I got a look at my attackers face.

_Oh crap._

"Hey Sammy. You mind helping me out over here" Sammy? So that must mean this is… Dean. I took in his whole form. He doesn't look much like the paintings I had seen of him. But the eyes, they were the same. I stepped back, far enough away that I could run if need be.

Your Dean and Sam Winchester. I said too myself. I had just almost killed one of the two guys I needed to save in order to save the world.

Talk about messing up the job, Lillian.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean asked as Sam reached him; obviously he was comforted that his brother was there for back up -not that he needed it, if what I learned had been truth- plus I had put down my knife which seemed to ease him a bit.

I looked up towards his brother, Samuel Winchester, the reason for my being here. I frowned at him no this doesn't make sense he's too young. He doesn't look evil and were is his owner that bitch Ruby?

"What year is it?" I asked my voice shaky. I was too wrapped up to notice Dean giving Sam a 'what the hell' look and Sam giving Dean a 'what did you do' look.

"Its 2005...Are you okay miss?" Sam said softly which made me want to throw up. I couldn't stand him being nice too me, not when it's his fault the world end.

_2005._

No, That's not right. I'm four years to early. I was suppose to be sent back right before the last seal was broken. Right before Sam gives himself over to Ruby. I was suppose to stop him from killing Lilith.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked again, worriedly.

Think fast Lillian. Four years to early, That puts me where in their history?

I looked around the street. It looked like I was near an apartment building that belonged to a college. Crap, this is when Dean first comes back for Sam, when he was studying Law at Stanford.

Which means Sam hasn't turned yet, Dean's soul is still his own. There just getting to know each other again, Jessica is still alive and there father is hunting Azazel.

I'm going to have to come up with one hell of a lie, which wouldn't be hard considering I know how to lie pretty good. That comes with the territory of running your whole life.

Fact: When lying, keep the lying part to a minimum. Keep the truth just leave things out or change them to your advantage. But never come up with a story fully laced with lies. It's the easiest way to get caught.

Best way to go about it? Get close to the boys -which might be hard considering I just tried to slit Dean's throat- How do I get close to them. One of the first things that I learned studying there history is that in their own ways they both care about 'protecting' females and children. They see a female or child in need of 'protecting' and their knight and shinning armor routine takes over.

"Where am I ?" I asked them dropping the knife from my hand.

"Your in Palo Alto, California. " He said as he glanced down at my shirt, then my hand that I had cut getting the knife back from him. I looked down and saw that my white shirt had been covered in dried blood. Right were Ben had slammed the knife into my heart. I felt my eyes start to water.

"Oh" I said as I put my hand over my heart. I felt hot and dizzy all of a sudden. This wasn't how it's suppose to go. Why didn't this work right. How am I going to spend four years with these two. How am I going to pull this off.

I fell to the ground and started to hyperventilate. I couldn't have screwed up this job already, Could I have?

Sam was the first to move towards me, Dean put his arm out in front of his younger brother stopping him. "Look, If we come over there. Your not going to shank us are you?" He asked unsure. I nodded my head, not wanting to talk.

Why did Ben believe that I could do this? I can't do anything right. And I can't do this, not with out him.

"Can I see your hand?" Dean asked as they bent down in front of me. I gave him my hand making sure not to look into his eyes.

"Looks like you sliced it pretty good" His fingers were gentler then I thought possible. "How did you learn to fight like that anyways?" Dean asked raising his eyebrow.

Time to start with the story.

"I don't know" Lie, I was raised running away from demons and angels that had taken over the Earth. I knew how to fight before most kids learned how to ride a bike.

"I remember running away from demo-someone" Truth. Ben and I were running away from the pack of demons out to kill us, and _him. _I took a deep breath, hoping they caught on to the 'demons' part.

Yup. Dean and Sam shared a look that I pretended not to notice.

"And Then I ended up here, with you hovering over me" I shot Dean a look. "Why were you next to me anyways?" the suspicion obvious in my voice.

_Fact: If I didn't act somewhat suspicious of them, they would be more suspicious of me._

"Hey lady, I saw you laying there in the street looking half dead. How was I going to know you would freak out"

"Sorry. I just.." I took a deep breath and looked around. "I should go before-" I stood up and looked around anxiously. "Look you guys should get out of here" I started to walk away and pretend that a sharp pain entered my side. I held onto my side, trying to make it seem like I didn't want them to notice.

"What happened to your side?" Dean asked

"Nothing" I snapped then glared at them. "I don't even know your names, and you think I'm just going to tell you my whole life story? Your nuts"

"I'm Dean and This is Sam Winchester" I frowned for a second. "Dean Winchester?" I asked suspiciously, and almost rolled my eyes when he looked confused. Almost as if he was trying to figure out if he and I had ever gotten to know each other before. The books weren't lying when the said he was a ladies man.

"Yeah do I know you?" He asked looking at me harder still trying to figure out.

"No. I just… I heard about you through people." I shook my head "Your not really him are you?"

"I'm the one and only sweetheart" He said smirking and checking me out. I had to control myself and make sure I didn't end up punching him out.

"Who are you?" Sam, Who had been pretty much quite the whole time asked.

"I'm Lillian, and I need your help killing the monster who murdered my family" They glanced at each other and back to me.

This job just got a whole hell of a lot harder.

* * *

**Elm Treigh:** Hehe I'm glad your heart got pumping. Hope you enjoy this chapter aswell. :)

**Rettafourevers:** Hope this update was fast enough for you :P Enjoy!

Also, I'm sort of sucky at fight scenes (as you can tell) So please give your info on how I did! I would really like your feedback. Thanks :)


	3. Highly Suspicious

**_Send away for a priceless gift  
One not subtle, one not on the list  
Send away for a perfect world  
One not simply, so absurd  
In these times of doing what you're told  
You keep these feelings, no one knows  
What ever happened to the young man's heart  
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart  
_****_And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,  
Swimming through the ashes of another life  
No real reason to accept the way things have changed  
Staring down the barrel of a 45  
_****_-.45-//shinedown//_**

"So you're a hunter?" Dean looked at me suspiciously, Not that I blamed him. This was going to be harder then what I thought.

"Yes." Which was the truth, I was a hunter who happened to be hunting them down. Though, I wouldn't kill them. Unless it came to that, which was always a possibility.

"And you heard about me how?" Good question Dean, I wonder if you'll believe it if I told you I read the books about you and your brother.

"I was looking for a hunter too help me-"

"Hunter normally keep their mouths shut when it comes to others." He said trying to catch me in a lie.

"I went to this bar outside of Tampa. A few hunters have been known to go there. I was looking for information on a the monster that killed my family-"

"They told you me?" He asked unbelieving.

"No they told me John Winchester could help me. But trying to find him, is like looking for a needle in a hay stack. I knew he had a son-" I glanced at Sam "at Stanford. I figured if I could find him I could find John. He's around here isn't he?" I glanced around the parking lot, as if expecting him to walk from the shadows.

Dean and Sam glanced at each other; a thousands words spoken in one look. This wasn't going as good as I had hoped. Not that I thought they would believe everything coming out of my mouth. Or maybe I did think they would just believe every word I was saying, knowing that if they didn't it wouldn't be just my life that ends; but thousands.

Time to act more like a female then a hunter.

"Please-" I said as I took a step closer to them "I need to speak to your father. I need to find the monster who killed my family"

It was Sam who spoke first "We're actually on our way to find our dad-" Dean shot him a glare, but Sam kept on talking "If you give us a way to get a hold of you. We'll have our dad contact you as soon as he gets a chance"

I had a few ways of playing this out. I could, like I said before act more like a female and less like a hunter which may bring the 'protective' vibe out in the brothers. I could also play it with a bluff, or not so much a bluff but with information on Azazel. They wont let me out of their sight if they think I can help track him down.

If I went that route they would never trust me enough to let me stay with them for four years. A sick feeling entered my stomach at that thought. I had to stay with them for four years, four years of them learning the truth, of Sam turning evil. I don't know why that thought upset me so much (or just fully hit me again) If I'm going to win, I have to play it calm.

I looked at them standing there, and knew the only way to get them to let me come with them would be if I begged. Which didn't settle in my stomach well at all. I never begged for anything, and now here I was standing in front of the two who were responsible for the end of the world and I had to beg them.

Or fool them.

"Please-" I took a deep shuttering breath, and tears fell from my eyes. "I need to get to your father as fast as I can." I took another deep breath and looked into Dean's eyes "I'm scared of doing this by myself. If I don't get help as fast as possible" I shuddered "I'll die"

I really hope my acting skills are good.

"Please" I said once more and I walked closer to them and the street light so they could see me more clearly.

"If you ask me you don't need any help fighting that thing" Dean said as he looked at the knife I had almost killed him with.

I didn't want to do this, but if showing him…

I shook off my black leather jacket -that was pretty dirty and worn out- and lifted my blood stained shirt up until my bra.

I saw the shock in Sam's eyes and… confusion in Deans' eyes.

"I'm not as tough of as you obviously think I am" For the first time talking with Dean and Sam Winchester I cried for real.

*~*~*~*

"Where are we?" I asked frowning at the bright neon sign. Dean looked back at me from the driver seat of the Impala. "Getting food. I'm hungry" Him and Sam both got out of the Impala, I sighed and joined them.

They stopped and stared at me. I frowned, "What?"

"You might want to unpack the heat you have-" Dean said glancing down at the holster that was on my legs "You can keep the one under your jacket"

I frowned and then remembered that I wasn't in a war zone, that the times had obviously been safer. I nodded my head and took them off, feeling suddenly naked and lost with out my guns and knives.

I caught my reflection the window and frowned "I should probably clean up" I said sighing.

We walked into the diner and went our separate ways. Me too clean my self off, and them to go eat.

I walked into the bathroom and noticed how clean it was. I hadn't seen a bathroom this clean in, well, ever. I walked towards the sink and splashed water on my face.

My grey eyes stared back at me as I took in my features. My long dark hair was a mess; but I guess that comes with the territory of fighting. I ran my fingers threw it hoping to make it less of a mess.

I zipped up my leather jacket, hoping it would cover the blood stained shirt.

This is as good as I'm going to get, I just hope I don't freak out the other people too much.

"Do you think she's telling the truth?" Sam's voice was hushed.

"Do you?" Dean asked, I could only assume that Sam shook his head no.

"Me ether. Something up with her that's for sure. I just don't know what"

"You think she's anything?"

"Hard to tell. She's not a Demon or a Shape-shifter" Dean said sighing.

"So you think she is a Hunter?"

"She's pretty young Sam-" I frowned, I wasn't that young. " To be a hunter and have that much training takes awhile.-" Dean chuckled "You should have seen her Sam, her fighting skill was almost perfect" Almost? I mouthed to myself "There's more to her then what she's telling us" Sam said.

"Yup. You think they got any good pie?" Dean asked when he saw me walking around the corner.

I sat down across from them and noticed for the first time, I was seeing them in a lighted room. I studied them silently as I sat down, noticing how young Sam looked compared to the paintings of him; I looked away unable to face him. I looked at Dean who hadn't changed much. He looked younger but still had those haunted eyes. Only now something different, something less evil is the cause of that look.

"So Lillian, where are you from?" Sam asked trying to be polite and make small talk.

I tried to make sure I didn't frown at him. I had to pretend to like them both, frowning at everything they say or do would become a bit of a clue if I didn't watch it.

"I'm from all over" Dean shot Sam a look. I frowned -crap- hoping I could get to a computer to leave a trail of my 'life' for them to find when they did research on me. Which they were bound to do as soon as I was out of their eye sight.

"I was born in Boston, but I moved around so much growing up that I never really had one home" Which was the truth.

"How old are you Lilly?" Dean asked, I shot him a glare not because of the question but because of him calling me Lilly.

"I'm Seventeen" Dean eyebrow shot up. "Your seventeen and you know how to fight that good" I sighed. "Lets just say I've been running for a long time, and if you can't fight… Well lets just say I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't learned a thing or two"

He nodded his head in understanding, which made me feel weird. I didn't want anything in common with them.

The waitress came and put food down on the table in front of us all, I frowned. "I don't have any money on me" I told them as the waitress walked away.

"Our treat" Dean said as he stuffed his mouth with what looked like a bacon cheeseburger.

I looked down at the food in front of me and sighed. I hadn't had anything like this… I picked it up and put took a mouth. Immediately my mouth started to water. It was freaking amazing, no it was beyond amazing. It was heaven sent.

I took another bite not wanting the bliss to end.

I heard a small moan escape from my mouth and looked up at Dean and Sam who had both stopped eating and was watching me with somewhat amused and disgusted looks on their faces.

"Its really good" I said after I swallowed the bite that was in my mouth, I gave them a smile and continued to eat.

I could definitely get use to eating this food.

*~*~*~*

"Hey! You two want breakfast?" Dean shouts from the behind the Impala, with bags of Chettos and Mountain Dew in his hands. I shake my head no still feeling full from the two cheeseburgers I ate the night before with a piece of pie and an endless amount of fries.

"No, thanks. So how'd you pay for that stuff? You and Dad still running credit card scams?" Sam asks Dean as he looks through a box in the front seat.

"Yeah, well, hunting ain't exactly a pro ball career. Besides, all we do is apply, it's not our fault they send us the cards." Dean said as finishes getting gas.

"Yeah? And what names did you write on the application this time?" Sam asked smirking. Dean gets in behind the wheel and thinks for a moment before answering. "Uh, Burt Aframian. And his son Hector. Scored two cards out of the deal."

"That sounds about right. I swear, man, you've gotta update your cassette tape collection." Sam said looking slightly disgusted at the tapes.

"Why?" Dean looks at Sam in wonderment, obviously he found nothing wrong with the tapes.

"Well, for one, they're cassette tapes. And two, Black Sabbath? Motorhead? Metallica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock." You could hear the distaste in Sam's voice, which made me want to laugh. Not that I knew much about 'mullet rock' but i could tell he didn't like it.

"Well, house rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole." Dean Said as he snatched Metallica out of Sam's hand and pops it in the player. Causing Sam to sigh.

"You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. It's Sam, okay?"

"Sorry, I can't hear you, the music's too loud." Dean said as he pulled out of the gas station. I smiled at the two of them. It was weird, how normal they seemed. How much like brothers, it almost caused me to feel guilty for treating them coldly.

I frowned and looked out the window.

I couldn't start liking them, No matter how nice they were too me or each other. I knew what was going to happen. So why start to care?

"This is actually good music" I said from the backseat, which caused Dean to smile.

"See Sammy she has good taste" Sam rolled his eyes, obviously Dean could hear me over the music.

*~*~*~*

I looked out the window hoping for some clue to what I was suppoes to do know. I had a plan that went out the window as soon as i showed up in 2005 and not 2009. I sighed, watching the trees as we passed them.

What would Ben tell me to do?

Would he tell me to just leave them and find them again in four years to complete the job. Or by chance had I been sent back to this time for a reason? I frowned not liking that thought.

Was this where I was suppoes to stop it?

I thought back to everything i had learned about the boys, everything that Ben had told me. I was only suppoes to stop the last seal from being broken, nothing else. If anything else gets of course then distaster could happen.

So why was I sent back to this time when Sam was nothing but a good guy and Dean wasn't as good of a hunter as he would become in the following years.

If I stayed with them like I planned on doing, would I be able to stop the last seal? Would I be able to stop Sam and Ruby, no matter the cost.

"Thank You" Sam said to whoever was on the other line, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Sam had been calling around to local (and some none local) Hospital and Morgues trying to find his father (Who I knew wouldn't be in any of them) He turned to Dean with relief on his face.

"All right. So, there's no one matching Dad at the hospital or morgue, so that's something, I guess. " Dean nodded his head, obviously he was relived also.

I felt bad sitting in the back seat listening to them worry over their father, who I knew was doing just fine. I had to keep reminding myself not to spell the beans.

I had to let everything happen the way it was meant to happen, up until the final seal gets broken. Which means I'll have four years of knowing every demon, ghost, shape shifter, vampire and, everything that the boys will face and I can't say anything about it.

I sighed. This was going to be harder then I thought, keeping this a secret. Which I didn't understand, I knew who these two men turn into. Yet, I felt some sort of pull towards them and what there going through.

This was why I was suppose to get sent back the day before the last seal, not four years.

"Check it out." Dean says nodding towards the bridge ahead of us, which had police on it.

He pulled over across the road from the crime scene. He looked back at me and frowned "Why don't you try too stay hidden." I rolled my eyes.

"Fine" Like I wanted to go on this stupid 'hunt' with them anyways. I had better things to do. Dean opened up the glove compartment and took out a box that contained ID's. I almost chocked out a laugh, The books had said they did that but I didn't really believe them.

"Lets go" Dean said to Sam as they got out of the car. I couldn't help but smirk at them as they walked away knowing what was about to happen.

* * *

AN: Ehhh. I feel sorta iffy about this chapter :-/ So tell me what you think. I wanted some interaction between the boys and her, but it seems kinda stiff. Which is probably a good thing. I mean, You have her who doesn't trust them, and Them who don't trust her... You can't really get a lot out of ether one of them with out it sounding too fales. So i tried my best! Hope you enjoyed, & please leave comments.

PS. The next chapter will be the rest of the first episode :)

PSS. Anyone interested in co-writing (or) Betaing this? Let me know. :)


	4. Together Forever

**IMPORTANT A/N:**_This chapter (together forever) takes place in the past... So there isn't any Dean or Sam... It's just Lillian history, So don't worry you didn't miss anything. The next chapter(s) will be back in the present; Or eh, I guess Dean & Sam's Present. eh. I'm giving myself a headache thinking. So On you go. Read, & tell me what you think. :)_

**

* * *

**

**What if I wanted to break  
****Laugh it all off in your face  
****What would you do?  
****What if I fell to the floor  
****Couldn't take all this anymore  
****What would you do?  
****-The kill//.30 seconds to mars.//**

Don't stop. If they find you here; I was unable to stop the thought. If they find me here, I'll be punished. A fate worse then death.

I looked at the darken sky, praying for a miracle. How could god let this happen, how could the angels agree with this. Why didn't they stop this before it started. What kind of protectors were they to let millions on innocents be slaughtered like vermin.

I shut down, unable to move any longer I dropped to the ground. Visible to anyone who would want to harm me.

It was suicide, I knew that. I just didn't care anymore. I had nothing to care about. There was no more hope. They took my last ounce of hope when they got too Jane.

I shook my head, unable to imagine the pain my sister went through before they finished their games with her.

I could still hear her screaming, telling me to run and not look back.

And I did…

I ran.

Like the coward I was, I left my sister to her death.

I didn't even try to fight.

A loud cry escaped my lips.

"I'm RIGHT HERE YOU BASTARDS!" I shouted in a cry of pain, hoping one of them heard me.

I can't fight this anymore. I shut my eyes; tears streaming down my face.

This isn't how its suppose to be. I wasn't suppose to be leading this life, I should be doing things that I read about, I shouldn't have to morn the loss of every person I've ever come in contact with…

I glanced at my wrist knowing what I would find, knowing it was my last reminder of my sister.

Our bracelets.

I shut my eyes trying to block out the memory of the twelve year old me and eighteen year old Jane.

_"Jane" I hissed in the dark building, ready for any attack that may come my way._

_I looked around worriedly, knowing it wasn't suppose to take this long. It was a simple task, get in building (check) find any supplies (check) meet back in front entrance._

_So where was she? I looked around, feeling the panic rise in me. I was about to look for her, but I stopped suddenly; trying not to make another sound when I heard feet approaching._

_My heart started to thump in my chest faster._

_It's not Jane. I knew with every instinct in my body, It wasn't her, We were trained to be light on our feet. Our survival depend on it, so why would she be so careless now?_

_Answer: she wouldn't._

_I looked around and saw large pieces of metal debris that I could hide near. I quietly moved towards it, holding my breath._

_Don't let em' hear me, please don't let em'._

_When my back hit the cold metal I crouched down, keeping alert for more movements._

_Everything went silent, the foot steps stopped. I held my breath._

_"Come out come out wherever you are" an annoyingly high pitched female voice said._

_"Mmmm. How I love the smell of fear." She laughed, walking closer to where I was hiding._

_I had to tell myself not to cry, not give in to it. (though that's the only thing I really wanted to do right now was cry, I couldn't.) If I died tonight, I would do it with pride. Not crying like a little girl. I shut my eyes tight, and prayed that death would be swift._

_"Hey bitch. Looking for someone" JANE!_

_My eyes snapped opened! What is she doing? I was about to yell to her to run when I felt someone grab me from the side -quickly and quietly- and put their hand over my mouth._

_"Be still" He breathed into my ear, as my heart dropped. It was just Gabe, but why was he telling me to be still. He should be helping Jane, didn't he see that?_

_"Oh looks like I got a cocky one…" the she demon said laughing._

_"You haven't got me yet bitch" The demon stopped laughing, I felt the panic again. Jane don't be stupid, run! I wanted to shout at her._

_"We'll see about that" I heard her move towards Jane._

_I tried to break free of Gabe's grip, he held be tighter and pulled my face into his chest._

_I heard the sounds of a fight in progress, it was going to fast for me to tell who was winning. I felt tears pool into the corner of my eyes till a scream brook through the silence and I felt everything go numb._

_No, No! NO!_

_"Well that was easy"_

_JANE!!!_

_Gabe let me go and I ran towards where I heard my sister._

_"JANE!"_

_"Hey kiddo-" I crashed into her engulfing my arms around her "Whoa there, That hurt a bit." she laughed playfully as she messed my hair up._

_"Come on lets get out of here"_

_I walked out, hand and hand with my sister. Happy that she was alive, once we got out of the building and into the parking lot I looked up at her and frowned._

_"Whats wrong?" she said as she glanced down at me worried._

_"You took too long-" I shook my head "You know the rules. Fifteen mintues tops then we all meet back up Jane. Why were you taking so long?" I felt the tears start to come up again, thinking about what could have happened._

_Jane sighed and kneeled in front of me. "Well I was going to wait…But oh well, I guess I'll just have to give it too you know"_

_I frowned confused, as she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out two bracelets. From what I could tell they were made of hemp, intertwined with two beads on both sides of a small pendant that had symbols on it._

_"What is it?" I asked as she took my hand and put it around my wrist._

_"This is an early birthday present" She smiled at me, her grey eyes joyful and full of love._

_"You risked your life for a-a birthday present?" I asked bewildered._

_She lifted my chin up with two of her fingers. "It's more than a birthday present-" she sighed and looked around the deserted parking lot. "We should get going kiddo" She said as she put the other bracelet on her own wrist._

_We walked a few yards, my eyes glued to the pendant._

_"Hey Jane?" I asked, my voice cautious._

_"Yeah?"_

_"What does it mean?" I asked studying it. She smiled and looked down at me._

_"It means we'll be together, together forever Lillian" I smiled up at her, knowing that was true._

_My bigger sister my hero, She wouldn't ever leave me._

_In a world where everything we had wasn't a guarantee, I knew she was. She would be there for me whenever I needed her._

_We'd be together forever._

My eyes snapped opened seeing in a flash a demon grinning cruely at me.

My heart quickened in pace, I knew what was coming. I was ready, I would die in this fight. I wouldn't let them keep me alive, I wouldn't give them a choice to 'punish' me. They would have to kill me. Slow or fast, I didn't care as long as I ended up dead.

I stood up slowly, brushing my hands off on my jeans.

"Took you long enough to find me. I was starting to think you all are getting slow. All this power must me going to your head. Ego's are a bitch-" I laughed looking him up and down. He was large and I could tell powerful but I didn't stop "I always heard guys that build their body like that are trying to compensate for smaller equipment. Is that true?" I cocked my head to the side as if I was studying him.

His cruel smile grew larger.

"How about I show you girly"

"I was really hoping you would say that"

I took off towards him, grabbing the knife from my waistband, It was reckless and stupid. It was just the way to get yourself killed, I smiled at that thought.

I didn't worry about a protective stance, or defending myself. I want a fight. No. I want a blood bath.

Lunging at him full force, I went for a facial blow and below the belt kick. I knew it wouldn't hurt him as much as it would have a human male, but it still hurt enough to send an angry shock through him.

He hadn't been expecting me to do that, to be so forward in our fight. He was use to us being on the defense not the offense.

Quickly recovering he threw me to the ground where my head hit the pavement hard. With my vision blurry, I stood up, tossing the knife up in the air with a flick of my wrist.

"Little girls shouldn't play with knives" He said eyeing the knife, I smiled.

"Really? Well why not? Are they dangerous" I jerked forward as if to go after him but stopped and laughed. "Don't tell me your scared of the knife. A big ol' bad scary demon like yourself?" I was taunting him.

"I'll show what a knife like that can do girly"

"Please do." I said sarcastically mocking him, rolling my eyes. Before I knew what was happening he was on me. I could feel the bones in my arm snapping as he bent it away from me.

I did everything not to cry out in pain. He grabbed the knife from my right -newly broken arm- while his other arm wrapped around my waist holding me to him.

He sniffed the side of my face, making me cringe. Laughing he threw me back on the ground. He stomped on my left hand causing me to shout out.

He straddled me. (If I wasn't in such pain, I would have found the situation funny. Who would have thought a big guy like him could straddle someone)

He slowly cut my shirt off, smirking while he did it. I shut my eyes, praying it would be over soon.

" I'm going to gut you girly" He said as he placed the tip of the knife right below my bra.

"Any last words?" He said mockingly. I opened my eyes and stared into his black eyes.

"I'd tell you to go to hell, but it seems like were already there" He laughed at me.

"Nighty night girly" I felt the tip pirce my stomach and slowly going down. Pain riddled my body, sending me into shocking waves of cold and heat. How can you body feel both? I wondered.

I felt the darkness ready to take over, the pain unbearable. The metallic taste of blood entered my mouth.

This was it, I was dying. I wanted to smile at that thought, I would finally be out of this hell.

My eyes closed.

Peace. That's all I wanted, was peace. Even if it meant eternal dark, I just wanted peace. No more blood, no more death. I just wanted everything to be gone.

I opened my eyes hoping to see… well, I'm not sure. I couldn't hear much but the vibrations and the extra coldness on my body.

"Stay….. Can…Why…. Look…." I saw the face of an angel staring at me. What a handsome angel.

I couldn't understand what he was saying, or even why he looked so upset. A bigger question why would he even be talking to me.

I lost focus, and faded into the darkness.

Finally.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEP

My first thought waking up from death was, what the hell shouldn't it be total silence. Sighing, I felt enourmas pain all over my body.

Wait… Pain? No. I was dead, you don't feel pain when your dead.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a room, it looked like a bedroom. I frowned.

I noticed the IV's hooked into my hands. The machience making that unpleast beep was hooked up to me.

Then it his me.

I wasn't dead.

The pain of that thought hit me hard. Making the pain in my body seem weak in comparison.

COME ON NOW!

I was suppose to be dead. Gone. Gone to this hell, and instead I'm… Well I didn't know where I was. But I sure as hell shouldn't be here.

I felt tears run down my cheek.

"Your up" I heard a male voice. I turn my head towards it, my eyes still droopy from the state I was in.

"Can you hear me"

Yes, you big idiot. I wanted to shout, though it seemed as if I couldn't speak at all. My throat my too dry and sore.

I heard him sigh, and felt him take my hand.

"I'm Ben…And-An…I-I was the one to find you-" He sighed again " I want you to know I'm doing everything I can for you. You'll be fine. I promise you, I'll make it better"

I could only blink in response, but if I could talk; I would tell him one thing.

I would never forgive him for taking away my death.

* * *

Eh. So tell me what you think? Yay or Nay to the chapter that takes place in the past? Would you like to see more thrown in, Or Only do little flashbackes during the story?...

Review & let me know :)


	5. Lady In White Part One

_**Don't let 'em get where they're going to  
**__**You know they're only what they think of you  
**__**You heard of this emotional trickery  
**__**And you felt like you were learning the ropes  
**__**But where you're going now you don't know  
-Problem girl.//Rob Thomas.//**_

Dean and Sam got into the Impala, both bickering about 'respecting police' and 'crack police work not deserving respect'.

I kept my mouth shut, staring out the back window listening to the way they fought. It was a lot like how my sister and I had been when something we disagreed on happened.

"Where are we going?" I asked, notcing that we were parking in town. Dean looked backed at me, as if finally remembering I was back there.

"Ah, were um, headed to talk to the missing boys girlfriend-" He looked at me confused like he wasn't sure why he had told me the truth.

"You can wait here-"

"No let her come Dean" Sam cut him off "Another female in the group might make the girl more willing to talk to us"

Dean looked from me to Sam and sighed, "Fine, lets go"

We walked towards the movie theater, where a young girl who was wearing a lot of black was putting up posters.

"I'll bet you that's her." Dean said to us, walking a bit faster then he had been a moment before.

"Yeah." Sam said speeding up just as fast.

"You must be Amy." Dean said to the young girl, giving him one of his big smiles.

"Yeah." She looked at us confused trying to place our faces and failing miserably.

"Yeah, Troy told us about you. We're his uncles. I'm Dean, this is Sammy. And this here is Sam's girlfriend Lilly"

I smiled pleasantly at her, while inside I really wanted to kill Dean. Or just hurt him really bad. I wonder how attached he is to his tongue.

"He never mentioned you to me." She wasn't as suspicious of us as I thought she would have been. She was just confused and sad.

"Well, that's Troy, I guess. We're not around much, we're up in Modesto." Dean sounded genuinely upset about the lack of communication him and his nephew have. I couldn't help but smile at how good at lying he was.

I would have to watch my back more.

"So, we're looking for him too, and we're kinda asking around." Sam said stepping up to bat.

I couldn't help but wonder if he was upset at me being his 'girlfriend' as much as I was about him being my 'boyfriend.' Fake or not, it put a sour taste in my mouth.

Another girl -I'm guessing Amy's best friend- put a hand around Amy's shoulder and looked at us.

"Hey, are you okay?" She was cautious of us. She had a good instinct, and was trying to look out for her friend. Something I could never frown upon. Being loyal is the one thing in this world that could save you.

"Yeah." Amy said nodding her head and giving a small smile.

"Mind if we ask you a couple questions?" Sam's eyes looked like a puppy dogs as he asked.

"No its fine, Um-" she looked down at the posters in her hands "Can we meet you at the Diner across the street, I want to put these in my car"

Sam and Dean both nodded their heads saying they understood and that we'd have a table waiting for when she got there.

I had read in the books how they used their looks to get information. I wasn't sure I had believed that to be possible, until I saw the way Sam looked at the girl asking her something.

Or how Dean had this way of smiling while talking to you, making him seem gentle and understanding.

I tried looking at them from a different point of view, wondering if they were as good-looking as they had been said too be. They weren't' they were more so, with their charm.

That scared me.

"I was on the phone with Troy. He was driving home. He said he would call me right back, and uh, he never did."

"He didn't say anything strange, or out of the ordinary?" Sam had the perfect amount of curiosity and sadness in his voice and face that no one would suspect that he was just looking for information.

"No. Nothing I can remember." Amy said her voice almost breaking. I felt my heart break with hers. This strange feeling of 'protectiveness' came rushing through me.

I knew what she was feeling like. The uncertainty of knowing if her boyfriend was alive, dead or worse. It was eating her upside, making her question everything. Making her feel things she never thought were possible.

Sam sensing the same thing changed the subject pointing to her necklace.

"I like your necklace." He said smiling at her. She smiled at him,

"Troy gave it to me. Mostly to scare my parents. With all that devil stuff."

Devil stuff? Why would you wear a symbol and not know the meaning behind it? I was about to say something but Sam beat me too it.

"Actually, it means just the opposite. A pentagram is protection against evil. Really powerful. I mean, if you believe in that kind of thing."

"Pentacle" Amy, her friend and both Dean and Sam looked at me. "It's a Pentacle, not a pentagram. But Sam is right, It's really powerful and protects against evil."

Dean looked at me like I had just grown antlers. While Sam seemed to be thinking hard about what I had said, or more so. Why I had said it to begin with.

"Okay. Thank you, Unsolved Mysteries.-" Dean said turning to Amy " Here's the deal, ladies. The way Troy disappeared, something's not right. So if you've heard anything…: Noticing the two girls looking at each other.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's just... I mean, with all these guys going missing, people talk." Amy's friend Karen said.

"What do they talk about?" Dean and Sam said simultaneously.

"It's kind of this local legend. This one girl? She got murdered out on Centennial, like decades ago. Well, supposedly she's still out there. She hitchhikes, and whoever picks her up? Well, they disappear forever." Karen told us.

Amy started to cry softly, Karen put her arm around her friend.

"I'm sorry Amy" she said, obviously feeling guilty about telling us the story while her friend was going through so much.

I could feel my own tears begin to work their way up.

Dean obviously feeling awkward being in the situation, never having to deal with a crying girl.

Sam sat there looking worried, yet unmoving unsure of what too do next. I sighed slightly, and put my hand on top of Amy's.

"Your going to be okay Amy." she glared at me, "How would you know, your boyfriend sitting right next to you"

I looked over noticing both Sam and Dean where waiting for my response. They obviously didn't want to get into this dangerous ground that I walked myself into.

"Your right, But wrong-" she started to say something but I cut her off "Before Sam and I, I was seeing this guy Ben. We were together for a really long time-" I took a deep breath, and gave a weak smile. "He's not here anymore, and I still feel that pain, but I know that I have to keep living my life. Its what he would have wanted. That's what love is Amy, Wanting the other person to be happy."

She sniffled and looked at me sadly, "How did he die" I could tell that both boys were sitting still beside me.

I opened up my mouth to speak; nothing came out. I looked at the boys knowing they were listening with interested ears. It felt wrong telling them about Ben, As if I was fraternizing with the enemy.

"Why don't you guys go on ahead" I gave them a smile. "I have some girl talk to do"

Dean, looking at me like he was trying to figure me out. Sam, looking at me worried like he cared about what I went through, which made it all worse.

Still they both got up and nodded at me, Sam turned to Amy one last time. "It was good to finally meet you Amy, Troy talked about you a lot. I knew how much he loved you"

I knew that Sam was lying, but I couldn't help but smile at him. Amy needed to hear someone say that.

The same as Sam is going to be needing to hear that. I felt my already sore heart, breaking a bit more

3POV

Dean and Sam pulled into the library parking lot, both lost in thoughts. "Do you think she was telling the truth?" Sam asked looking at his older brother as they walked towards the building.

"Yeah. I mean besides all the black and the pentagram, sorry I mean pentacle-" Sam laughed "She seems genuinely upset that her boyfriend has gone missing"

Sam nodded his head, "I mean Lilly. Do you think she really meant what she said about her boyfriend?" Sam voice was low and sad as if her pain had effected him somehow.

Dean sighed and shook his head. "I'm not sure.-" he took a quick glance at his brother "Why, you thinking about trying to get with her Sammy?" Dean smirked at his brother.

"No" Sam said defensively. "I'm just curious about what happened to her that's all"

Both the boys lost in thought once again walked towards the computers hoping to get information on more then just what they were brought here for.

_LPOV_

I watched Sam and Dean walk out of the diner and smiled at Amy once they disappeared.

"Does he get upset when you talk about Ben" I looked at her and smiled "No. I just feel more comfortable not talking about it in front of him"

"You don't want to upset him?" I sighed and shook my head "Sort of."

"I could tell he was upset seeing you hurt" I frowned at Amy not expecting her to say that.

Me and Amy both sat there in silence, It was Karen that spoke first. "I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend"

I smiled at her, "Me too"

"How did he die?"

I paused, not sure how to word this.

"I'm not really sure, No one knows what really happened the night of his death. There's a lot of rumors, but nothing for sure. I guess, its one of those things that I'll never know"

A tear slid down my cheek. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Your still not over him?" I wasn't sure which one asked, I opened my eyes and looked at them.

"I'll never be over him. He was my first love. My first everything, but…, I know how he was. And he wouldn't want me wasting my life away. He knew I had a purpose and he would be expecting me to do that. If that's the last thing I can give him I will"

Amy nodded, "Its just. I feel so angry, I mean this has happened before, you know? And if the cops had just found out who was doing this. He would be alive right now, and everything would be different."

My thoughts drifted back to Sam.

The Sam that was so different from the one I had learned about, The one I had been sent here to stop.

Maybe…

No.

I couldn't help but think that maybe I was suppose to stop Jessica's death. Maybe that was why I was sent back to this time and not right before the last seal was broken, maybe in some weird way saving Jessica would be the thing that saved us all?

* * *

_Does anyone know anything about how to make video's for youtube?  
If you do, PM me :) _

_Oh, & Review please, It makes my muse & I very happy. :)_


	6. Lady In White Part Two

_**I met a woman  
**__**She had a mouth like yours  
**__**She knew your devils and your deeds  
**__**And she said, "Go to him, stay with him  
**__**But be prepared to bleed"  
**__**-Case of you .//Joni Mitchell.//**_

Amy and Karen left me at the diner waiting for Sam and Dean to pick me up. They had both been worried about me standing there by myself, but I had told them I needed time to myself. It was only twenty minutes till Dean and Sam pulled up along side the curve.

"Was it to hard for you to wait inside?" Dean said glaring at me from the rearview mirror; I frowned. Did I look the helpless? Not that I minded Dean being worried about me, after all I had wanted the protective side of the them to seep through. It was the only way I could get close to them.

"It was only a few minutes" He glared some more before pulling out onto the road.

"So did you guys find anything out?" I asked, pretending I didn't notice the look they had given each other.

After what seemed like some inner battle, Dean answered, "Constance Welch some chick who committed suicide on the bridge after finding her two children dead, Were still looking for the M O behind her picking up guys and offing them." "Where are we going now?" I asked, truly curious. I knew I had read all of this but like any thing, I only remember the importance of Dean and Sam and not the cases they took. I sighed really wishing I had paid more attention to the writings of chuck. "Where going back to the bridge to look around. Maybe now that the police aren't there we can find something out" "Told you police do crack work" Dean said almost proudly. Which only caused them to continue their argument from before.

I sat there in the back listening to the too brothers act so… human. Making me feel weirder by the second.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"So this is where Constance took the swan dive." Dean commented as he looked over the bridges railing.

"So you think Dad would have been here?" I looked at Sam and wondered if he wanted to find his father, not for just the sake of finding him but to see him because he truly missed John Winchester.

"Well, he's chasing the same story and we're chasing him."

"Okay, so now what?"

"Now we keep digging until we find him. Might take a while."

"Dean, I told you, I've gotta get back by Monday-"

"Monday. Right. The interview." I couldn't help but notice the sarcasm in Deans voice. It made me feel bad for him, always being the responsible one. Looking after his family, never turning his back on them. On his father who had high demands of him.

"Yeah." Sam said flatly. Obviously he was always sick of having this conversation. Still, couldn't he just see it from Dean's view? Family is suppose to stick together. If you don't have your family, you don't have anyone.

"Yeah, I forgot. You're really serious about this, aren't you? You think you're just going to become some lawyer? Marry your girl?"

I took a step back from the brothers not wanting to hear the exchange, though I had read all about it countless times.

"Maybe. Why not?"

I looked out over the river not wanting to see Sam's face. I knew he wouldn't ever get that chance to marry his girl. It made me sick to think about how in this moment he still believed that everything would turn out normal for him. When in all truth his life was going to take a twist for the worst in the upcoming days, weeks, months and, years.

You can stop it, a small voice said in the back of my head. One I fully decided to ignore. I couldn't change the past even if I wanted too. If I changed to many things, things that were fated to happen. The outcome could be disastrous for everyone involved.

"Does Jessica know the truth about you? I mean, does she know about the things you've done?" Deans voice was raising.

"No, and she's not ever going to know." Sams voice was calmer but still held that edge of anger.

"Well, that's healthy. You can pretend all you want, Sammy. But sooner or later you're going to have to face up to who you really are."

My head snapped up, I stared at Dean wondering what he would think if he knew who his brother was really meant to be.

"And who's that?"

"You're one of us."

"No. I'm not like you. This is not going to be my life."

"You have a responsibility to-"

"To Dad? And his crusade? If it weren't for pictures I wouldn't even know what Mom looks like. And what difference would it make? Even if we do find the thing that killed her, Mom's gone. And she isn't coming back."

My stomach dropped at the emotion that flickered through their faces. The coldness on Sams the pain on Deans. Knowing that in few months the roles would be flipped.

Dean grabbed Sam by his shirt pulling him closer, "Don't talk about her like that."

"Stop it. Both of you stop it right now" I shouted at them both. Dean let Sam go and looked at me. I wasn't sure who was surprised more, Dean and Sam that I had been there or myself for telling them to stop.

Why did it matter to me if they fought?

"You guys are brothers, sticking together is the only thing that matters right now" I wish I could have bitten off my tongue. Why was I talking to them? Dean sighed and walked away not meeting my gaze. I turned towards Sam who had been staring at me, "Sam." We looked towards Dean who was staring at the women in white.

She looked at us three sadly before jumping of the bridge, we ran towards her not making it in time.

"Where'd she go?"

"I don't know."

We peered into the dark night trying to search for her body. Before bright lights blinded us. Turning around we saw the Impala's headlights on.

"What the-" Dean looked shocked

"Who's driving your car?"

Dean slowly pulled the keys out of his pocket showing us them, no one was driving his car. No one alive anyways.

The car started to move towards us.

"Crap" I muttered,

"Dean? Go! Go!"

The three of us took of towards the railing of the bridge trying to get away from the possessed car.

I paused a slight second before leaping over the railing, holding on tight trying my hardest not to fall into the pitch black icy water that laid below us.

The sound of the Impala shut off, I felt someone near me began to pull themselves up. I followed their lead, I looked over and saw it was Sam.

We looked at each other panting, "That was fun" I said he smiled a second before looking next to him. "Where Dean?" Not waiting for an answer -not that I had one- he went into a frenzy.

"Dean? Dean!" Sam shouted

"What!" We raced back over the railing looking down and seen Dean craw out of the water.

"Hey! Are you all right?" Sam's voice was clearly more relaxed then it had been moments ago.

"I'm super!" Dean said annoyed.

We all surround the Impala, Dean was in the trunk looking for something. Sam was standing next to him. I was standing near the back door trying to get away from the smell that Dean had radiating off of him.

Dean shut his trunk clearly looking relived.

"Your car all right?"

"Yeah, whatever she did to it, seems all right now. That Constance chick, what a bitch!" The last part he screamed into the night. I wanted to yell at him and tell him not to antagonize the ghost.

"Well, she doesn't want us digging around, that's for sure. So where's the job go from here, genius?" Sam asked, Dean threw his arms up frustrated.

"You smell like a toilet" Sam took a step back, I wanted to laugh. He was just now noticing that?

"Funny Sammy, real funny."

--------------------------------------------------------------

By the time we found a motel it had got light out. I was tired and worn out from more then just almost getting run over by some crazy ghost.

Which led me to some crazy thoughts. If I decided to stay with the boys for the next four years -or go on my own- I would have to be careful about not getting myself killed before my job is complete. So maybe not staying with the boys would be a better idea, a safer idea.

I can find them In four years from now.

"Two room, please." Dean said -still covered in mud- as he slid his credit card to the clerk. The clerking looking at the card frowned. "You guys having a reunion or something?"

Sam looking interested, "What do you mean?"

"I had another guy, Burt Aframian. He came and bought out a room for the whole month."

John Winchester was here.

The clerk frowned again typing on his keyboard. "Sorry boys, we only have one room available"

"We'll take it-" Dean said smiling. "You know what room my uncle Burt had? I'd like to stop in and say hi before we all leave for the reunion" He chuckled and patted Sam on the back "Then these two lovebirds wont be keeping me up all night"

I nearly choked. And once again felt the compulsion to smack Dean upside the head. I wondered if people get that a lot around Dean Winchester.

The old clerk gave a knowing smiling at Sam. The one that said 'you're a lucky bastard getting some aren't you son' or well that's at lest what it looked like to me. I tried to hide my shiver of disgust.

"Yeah. He's in room 203" He said while he handed Sam our key.

"Thanks buddy"

As soon as we were a far enough distance away from being seen I couldn't help it. I smacked him upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" He asked clearly shocked.

"You know what that was for Dean Winchester. You do that too me again and I swear I wont be afraid to repeat what happen the other night"

He laughed, he actually laughed at me.

"Sweetheart you can try all you want but I'll never let you get the upper hand on me again"

While we were having are argument we had stopped by Johns room, Sam must have picked the lock cause the next thing I know Sam grabbed Dean and pulled him inside who in returned grabbed me pulling me inside.

The first thing I saw was the walls coverd in newspaper clippings, maps, notes. The floor was cluttered with stuff. Salt lines by the doors and windows. He was keeping something out.

"Whoa." Sam voiced my thought.

"I don't think he's been here for a couple days at least." Dean said putting down and old rotten burger.

Sam fingered the salt on the floor and looks up at us, "Salt Cats-eye shells... he was worried. Trying to keep something from coming in."

Something more then just a ghost? I walked towards Dean who was studying papers on the wall, a list and pictures of all the men who had disappeared.

"What have you got here?" Sam asked standing beside us.

"Centennial Highway victims. I don't get it. I mean, different men, different jobs, ages, ethnicities. There's always a connection, right? What do these guys have in common?"

Sam shook his head and crossed over to the other covered wall.

"Dad figured it out."

"What do you mean?"

"He found the same article we did. Constance Welch. She's a Woman In White."

Dean smiled at the pictures on the wall, "You sly dogs. All right, so if we're dealing with a Woman In White Dad would have found the corpse and destroyed it."

"She might have another weakness."

"Well, Dad would want to make sure. He'd dig her up. Does it say where she's buried?"

"No, not that I can tell. If I were Dad, though, I'd go ask her husband. If he's still alive."

I was a bit confused, A women in white? I hadn't dealt much with ghost in my time. Demons were the ones gunning for me, not Casper.

"A Women in White?" I asked looking at both Dean and Sam.

"A women in white is normally a mother who after finding out her husband cheated on her goes into a fight of rage and kills their children" Dean said looking at me like it was that obvious and I should have known that.

"So these guys she's picking up and killing are cheaters?" I couldn't help but sound disgusted.

"Yup-"

"So Troy cheated on Amy?" That son of a bitch.

"Yeah well, Its not something he dissevered to get killed for" I snorted and walked across the room.

"Oh come on. You're telling me he deserved to get killed?" Dean sounded appalled, Sam stood there watching are exchange.

"No not killed, maybe castrated but not killed. Amy obviously loves that boy, and she's going to be spending years grieving over someone who is not worth it.-" I glared at Dean "I'm sure you have no problems cheating"

"Hey! I've never cheated on a girl"

"No you just give them one night stands right. Can't cheat on them if they aren't more then cheap motel room."

"We should probably find the husband" Sam said interrupting Dean and I glaring contest. Dean sighed, "All right. Why don't you two uh, see if you can find an address, I'm gonna get cleaned up."

Dean walked towards the bathroom. Sam stopped him, "Hey, Dean? What I said earlier... about Mom and Dad, I'm sorry."

Dean turn backed around and smiled a moment before his face turned serious, "No chick-flick moments."

I sat on the bed watching them.

Sam smiled, "Alright. Jerk"

"Bitch."

"Are you okay?" Sam asked as soon as the bathroom door shut.

"Huh. Oh. Yeah why?"

"You look a little pale?"

I was feeling a bit dizzy and nauseas, but no need to tell him all that. Sam Winchester was the last one I wanted to confide in.

"Just tired" He nodded understanding, "Did, Uh-" He cleared his throat looking nervous "Someone cheat on you?"

I looked at him confused, "No why?"

"Just-"

"Being so upset?" He nodded his head, I sighed, "No. I've only ever dated one person and he wouldn't ever cheat on me."

"Ben" As Sam said his name I felt myself grow more uncomfortable.

"How did he pass?" I met Sams eyes, "I ah-"

"Don't feel comfortable talking about it" He didn't seem upset, he seemed understanding. I gave him a small smile and tried to remind myself of who Sam was, and why it wasn't an okay idea to talk to him. Even if him and Dean were the only two people on this planet who would understand what I'm going through. They were also the reason behind it.

Sam let the conversation drop and picked up a picture frame he smiled, his dimples showed.

Why am I noticing his dimples? I laid back on the bed feeling even more faint.

"You sure you okay?" He was worried now.

"Yeah. Do you mind if I grab the shower after Dean?"  
"No its fine"  
"Thanks"

Three loud annoying beeps brought us out of our thoughts. Sam frowned and picked up his phone, "excuse me" he said as he walked away from me.

He paced around the room listening to a voice mail.

Feeling uncomfortable, I hoped Dean would hurry up. Speak of the devil… The bathroom door opened. I got up and walked past him into the bathroom. I didn't even ask to make sure if he was done. Which was rude, but I really needed a shower.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was a mess, a horrible mess. Emotionally and physically I wanted nothing more then to just shut down and let the whole world go to hell.

I took off my leather jacket fallowed by the bloody t shirt. I stared at my torso. I frowned noticing for the first time I had a scar right where the knife Ben used went in. Right above my heart.

I traced the scar with my finger tips, "Ben" I whispered as tears began to roll down my face.

The door to the bathroom flew open, I turned around and saw Sam standing there, "What the hell!"

He blinked a few times and then cleared his throat looking away, "Uh. We uh, have to go the police are outside."

"Crap" I muttered throwing my shirt back on.

There goes my shower that I so desperately needed.

* * *

**QUESTION:** What do you guys think of changing the title? I'm thinking maybe going with something like 'stealing the future borrowing the past' or 'Fighting Fate' Maybe something else? I don't know why, but i don't like 'As We Fall' anymore?

So what do yall think? Let me know :)


	7. Lady In White Part Three

**Wish I was too dead to cry  
****My self-affliction fades  
****Stones to throw at my creator  
****Masochists to which I cater  
****You don't need to bother;  
****I don't need to be  
****I'll keep slipping farther  
****But once I hold on,  
****I won't let go 'til it bleeds  
-Bother.//Stone Sour.//**

"What are we waiting for?" Sam and I were both crouched down behind the bushes watching the police.

"We wait till they leave. Get the car and head over to Joseph Welch home." He told me, I waited watching them throw Dean into the back of the cop car. No wonder he doesn't like police, they dont seem to like him too much ether.

"You don't really think they'll leave the car here?" Sam grinned at me, "They will."

I sighed, going to jail really wasn't part of my plan. Well, who knows maybe it wont be so bad. I think they have showers in jail.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam had been right, they didn't take the car or even watch the car. They went into the motel room, came out with boxes of stuff then left. It made you wonder if Dean was right -not that I would ever tell him that- about police doing horrible work.

The car ride was silent, which I liked. I didn't feel that comfortable being alone with Sam. I wished it had been anyone else.

I saw Sam sneak a glance at me, "Once we get out of here we'll find a motel for you to shower at" I nodded my head not wanting to speak. I kept staring out the window.

"Uh, I know it's a late offer but once we stop I'll give you one of mine or Dean's shirt to wear so you aren't in that"

"Thanks" I said trying to hide my frown.

I couldn't stand him being so, so nice and human. I didn't like the feelings of comfort that him -and Dean- brought out in me.

I was so sure when I would meet them I would feel hostel and fear. Not, normal. No definitely not normal and secure.

How was this helping me at all? How was seeing them human and real and spending time with them -and not what they become- going to help the world?

I remembered an old history book at the compound that I had read. It talked about this evil dictator Hitler who did a lot of evil things, who had a lot of people murdered for no reason other then he could. In this book it had a question, If you had a chance to go back and see Hitler as a child and kill him, would you?

Could you look into a child of innocence eyes and kill them for something they have yet done? Did that make you a monster or where they still the monster?

"Lillian?" I looked over and saw that we had stopped. Time sure flys when your thinking about things beyond your understanding.

It would seem that Joseph Welch lived in what seemed to be a trailer covered in dust on some factory land?

Weird.

"Did you want to wait he-"

"I'll come" I said getting out and zippering up my jacket. No need to scare the poor guy, even if he is an ass hole cheat.

We walked to the trailer, Sam knocked only a few seconds before the door opened.

"Hi. Are you Joseph Welch?" "Yeah?" Joseph said stepping out of the trailer closing the door behind him.

"You mind if me ask you a few question" Joseph nodded and started walking. Sam and I fallowed him, "I was wondering if you seen this man?" Sam asked holding out a picture. The one that he had seen in the motel.

He must have taken it.

"Yeah, he was older, but that's him. He came by three or four days ago. Said he was a reporter."

"That's right. We're working on a story together."

"Well, I don't know what the hell kinda story you're working on. The questions he asked me?"

"About your wife Constance?"

"He asked me where she was buried."

You could hear the pain in his voice of the memories that it brought up. I looked away not wanting to look at him. I couldn't understand why I felt so strong about these guys cheating. Something about it just threw me off and made me want to start yelling at them. I wanted to tell him everything, that it was his fault partially. That maybe if he kept it in his pants all this pain he was feeling wouldn't have even existed.

So I just let Sam do all the talking, plus I'm not suppose to interfere with their hunts. I wasn't sure what couldn't be changed.

Another reason I should leave them.

"And, where is that again?"

"What, I gotta go through this twice?"

"It's fact checking. If you don't mind."

"In a plot. Behind my old place over on Breckenridge."

"And why did you move?"

"I'm not gonna live in the house where my children died."

I couldn't blame him for that. Though, If you ask me he could have found a less dirty place to live.

"Mr. Welch, did you ever marry again?" Sam asked curiously, staring at Joseph as if the answer would be written on his face.

"No way. Constance, she was the love of my life. Prettiest woman I ever known."

I could hear the pain and regret in his, I tried to keep my self from snorting and shouting 'if she was so pretty why did you cheat on her ass hole' but I kept quite.

"So you had a happy marriage?"

"Definitely." Did Sam notice how he hesitated before he answered, cause I sure did.

"Well, that should do it. Thanks for your time." Sam nodded at me and we headed back towards the car.

I muttered low enough that only Sam could hear me, "What an ass hole."

Sam glanced at me as he opened up the car door, he paused then looked back, "Mr. Welch, did you ever hear of a Woman In White?"

"A what?" He asked confused, I looked at Sam who had started to walk back over.

What was he doing?

"A Woman In White. Or sometimes Weeping Woman? It's a ghost story. Well, it's more of a phenomenon, really. Um, they're spirits. They've been sighted for hundreds of years, dozens of places, in Hawaii, Mexico, lately Arizona, Indiana. All these are different women, you understand. But all share the same story."

"Boy, I don't care much for nonsense." Joseph looked worried, and a bit scared.

"See, when they were alive, their husbands were unfaithful to them. And these women, basically suffering from temporary insanity murdered their children. Then once they realized what they had done, they took their own lives. So now their spirits are cursed, walking back roads, waterways. And if they find an unfaithful man, they kill him. And that man is never seen again."

"You think... you think that has something to do with.. Constance? You smartass!" He was angry now. His face was in a snarl almost. I wanted to tell Sam to be careful but I caught myself.

"You tell me." Sam's voice never raised, but you could hear the accusation there, the anger.

"I mean, maybe... maybe I made some mistakes. But no matter what I did, Constance, she never would have killed her own children. Now, you get the hell out of here! And you don't come back!"

Sam walked back to the car and got in, I fallowed suit.

He started driving, I watched him confused, "What was that?"

He glanced at me and shrugged his shoulders, "I thought he should know the truth."

"So what's next?"

"We get Dean out of jail then go salt and burn Constance bones"

I looked out the window, "Stop" He looked at me weird but pulled the car over. We hadn't fully gotten off of the property that Josephs trailer was on.

"What is it?" He asked as I got out of the car and walked towards and old beat up junker that was sitting there.

"How are you planning on getting him out?"

"I'm not sure I'll think of something" I nodded, the old cars door was unlocked, "What are you doing?"

I gave him a small smile before I leaned in the car. I smiled as soon as I heard the noise; the loud rumbling of an almost broken engine.

"I'm going to go pick up Dean from the police station, You find a away to get him out of there and we'll meet you back at the house"

"Why can't we just pick him up?"

"Cause, I'm still worried that the police are looking for that car. That further away from the police station that car is, the better chance we have of making it with out getting caught"

He smiled at me rolling his eyes, "Alright."

"Hey Sam-" I rolled my window down, "Yeah?"

"Make it good"

---------------------------------------------------------

I pulled into the alley way behind the police station just in time to see the cops run out of the building scrambling to get into their cars.

I guess he did make it good.

I got out of the car stood against it, waiting for Dean to come out. It was getting dark, I hoped he hurried.

Then I saw him come out the fire escape, he was good. That was for sure.

He looked at me and frowned, "What are you doing here?"

"Giving you a ride"

"Where's Sam?"

"On his way to burn the bones" He didn't look like he believed me, "How did you get this car?" The way he said car was an insult, I rolled my eyes "I stole it" A small smile appeared before disappearing, "Wait a minute" He headed towards a payphone.

"Take your time" I muttered as I got back into the car.

I knew he was calling Sam to make sure I didn't run off on him or worse hurt him. I would have done the same thing in his place.

I wonder what Sam had done to get all of the police out of the station. I tried to turn on the radio, but it didn't work.

I took a deep breath and wondered why I hadn't really given more thought to what I wanted to do.

Stay with Dean and Sam or Go on my own merry way?

Why was this choice so hard for me to make, Why did I feel like I would be making a mistake if I left, yet also feeling like staying would be a different kind of mistake.

If I was smart I would just leave. Just disappear on them and find a way to survive until my job my done.

Staying with them could only lead to bad things.

The door opening up and slamming snapped me out of my thoughts, "GO. NOW" I didn't waste any time, I took off out of the alley and listened to Deans direction to Constance house.

Sam was in trouble and we had to get there fast, for more then just one reason.

----------------------------------------------------------------

We were almost there when the car made a few jerk movements then altogether stopped.

"Crap" I said getting out of the car, "OH COME ON! REALY?" Dean shouted, he looked around then quickly shot the car and evil glare.

"We don't have time for this"

"I know" I lifted up the hood, yup. A lot of smoke, definitely not going to get it working anytime soon.

"We'll have to run" I nodded my head and took off beside him. One thing was for sure, Dean Winchester was in great shape.

We had only been running for about three minutes when a sharp pain hit my chest. I stopped running and almost fell.

"What are you doing?" Dean shouted, looking annoyed yet oddly worried.

"Go on. Just a pain in my leg" I took a deep breath lying through my teeth. What the hell was that?

"I'll catch up with you" He shook his head and took off running again, I knew he would. He wouldn't ever let anything happen to his baby brother.

I fell to the ground as another sharp pain entered my side. I bite back a scream, what the hell was happening to me.

My vision started to go blurry, heat covered every inch of my body. I felt myself shiver.

"FUCK!" I screamed throwing myself back on the road, my muscles expanded and contrasted in fast painful movements. It felt as if someone had poured acid down the inside of my body.

My body kept spasming uncontrollably, I let out a cry of pain.

Everything stopped.

I took two deep breaths before it hit me again ten times harder. I felt myself throw up, not able to roll over I choked on most of it.

It felt like hands had gripped my organs and squeezed them. My lungs, kidney, brain; everything was on fire and being pushed beyond the limits of repair.

_God help me. Just let me die, please let me die. _

-----------------------------------------------------------------

I kept going in and out of conciseness. The colors around me blurred, I heard nothing but the loud hammering of my heart.

His shape blurred in front of me, then it cleared.

"Come on stay with me" His voice was frantic. I lifted my hand up and touched his cheek.

"Ben. Ben I failed" I cried out shutting my eyes feeling the overwhelming heat of my body take me over again.

"Shh, Its okay" He said getting my wet hair out of my face.

I tried to grab his hand to hold it. I needed him to hold me, I was dying and I needed him.

"Ben. Ben I love you Ben" I felt the vomit rise in my throat again, this time I was able to turn over so I didn't choke.

"She's burning up. What do we do?"

I failed everything, I failed him. I loved him and I failed him. What kind of person does that make me?

I screamed feeling a sharp piercing tear in my flesh.

"Fill the tube up with water… NOT TO COLD"

"BEN!" I screamed.

I started panting, Why wasn't he holding me. Just hold me, please just hold me Ben.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I let you die I let you all die. Its my fault. Its my fault your dead. I couldn't stop it." I sobbed grabbing Ben's shirt and pulling him towards me.

"What is she talking about?"

"I think she's hallucinating"

I saw his face only inches away from mine, My hands moved to his head and pulled it down. I kissed him with as much energy as I cold manage.

I felt him kiss me back, his lips cold against mine. As my tongue met with his I knew only one thing. I had to kiss him one last time before I died, before he went away.

He was still as beauty as the first time I saw him, he was always so beautiful. He was my angel.

Everything went black.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lillian… Come on Lillian wake up" I felt hands on my cold body. My eyes fluttered opened to a bliding light.

I put my hands in front of my eyes shielding them.

"What… What's going on?" I asked drowsy.

"Thank god"

I looked up, Why was Sam standing above me and why was his shirt soaked?

I looked around and saw where I was.

More importantly why was I in a tube full of water and dressed? With both the Winchesters staring at me like I was about to explode.

"Ah. What the hell is going on?" I sat up in the tub.

"You don't remember?" Dean asked looking at me like I was crazy… And well, maybe he was right? I was the one fully dressed in the tub.

I thought back to what I remember.

Picking Dean up from jail.

Driving to Sam.

Car breaking down…

Pain. Lots and lots of pain, I cringed at the memory.

"I, Uh, I… don't know"

"How are you feeling Lillian" I looked into Sam's eyes and wonder how bad it must have been for him to get that look on his. I glanced at Dean who had the same look.

"I feel tired and cold"

"Here" Dean said handing something to Sam, It was a towel.

"Get dried off I'll hand you some cloths." I nodded and stood up.

I was only standing for a few second before I lost my balance. Sam was faster though and caught me. I fell against him, his arms around my waist.

"Sorry" I said moving away from him.

"Uh, Its fine" He gave me a small smile, but I knew it wasn't fine. It wasn't fine at all.

They left me in the bathroom a lone. Dean had given me one of his shirts and sweat pants to wear. Saying that we could get to the laundry mat and wash my cloths later. Maybe stop by a place and pick up something else.

I just smiled and said thanks. Wondering about what the hell had happen.

_What the hell just happened?_

A thousand different possible explanations raced through my head. Everyone making my blood run cold.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

We were back in the Impala and headed towards Stanford. I felt sick to my stomach thinking about what was going to happen once we got there.

You could have stopped this. I kept repeating to myself over and over again. But I couldn't. Jessica dying is something that was meant to happen. Ben told me I couldn't change anything but that one thing. Saving Jessica isn't doing that…

And I couldn't let Jessica get in the way of that. Her life isn't any more important then the thousands that would be saved from her death, from her fate.

A tear slid down my check.

After Dean and Sam had explained -when I say explain I mean said 'you had some sort of high fever. Said some crazy things' explained- to me what happened we all got quite.

"Okay, here's where Dad went, it's called Blackwater Ridge, Colorado."

Dean nodded his head not taking his eyes off the road, "Sounds charming. How far?"

"About six hundred miles."

"Hey, if we shag ass we could make it by morning."

"Dean, um,-" He hesitated looking at Dean nervously.

"You're not going." Dean didn't sound angry, he sounded upset and tired. I felt bad for him, all he ever wanted was too have his family with him. I could relate.

"The interview's in like, ten hours. I gotta be there." Dean nods, disappointed.

"Yeah. Yeah, whatever. I'll take you home." The rest of the car ride was silent. Tension and pain filled the air. We breathed it in ignoring the fact that everything was about to change.

We pulled up in front of Sam's apartment building, Sam gets out and lends in the window, "Call me if you find him?" Dean nods his head not looking at his brother. You can see the pain in his body, in his face and I wasn't even in the front seat.

"And maybe I'll hook up with you later, huh?"

I wanted to yell at Sam. I wanted to smack him. How could he just leave his brother like that? Was his 'normal' life more important then his family?

Was Jessica more important?

Who would he be turning to in the up coming years? Who would he be counting on to be there? Dean. His brother, The brother that he keeps turning his back on.

He's selfish. He's always been selfish.

"Yeah, all right." Sam started to walk away but Dean called him back, "Sam? You know, we made a hell of a team back there."

"Yeah." Sam gave Dean a small smile, before giving me a nod. A simple goodbye. I got out of the back and into the front.

Dean didn't say a word. We just drove off.

I sighed. "My sister died because of me" Dean glanced at me but I ignored him, "We were on the run. It was just down to us too, the rest of our family was dead. It felt like it was us against the world, you know? The demon got to close and she paid the price for my mistake. I'll never forgive myself for that. I'll never forgive myself for not going back" A single tear slid down my cheek, I looked out the window.

"I, Uh.-" The radio started to make weird noise. Dean looked down at it. "Shit. Sammy." The next thing I knew the car was flying into a U turn.

I shut my eyes trying to numb out the pain.

The car flew to a halt outside the apartment, Dean didn't even waste time turning the car off or telling me stay there; He was out of it before I could say a way.

I waited holding my breath knowing he would find Jessica dead and Sam half the person he was only minutes before. I knew this was the start of the end.

I knew I could have changed it, but didn't.

Tears fell down my face faster as the loud explosion of the apartment only confirmed my thoughts.

I was responsible for Jessica Moore's death.

* * *

Gah. Okay. So I was going to wait a few days and post this. But, ah, as you can tell I couldn't stop myself from finishing the Lady in white arc.

Anyways.

**Questions:**

The kiss Lilly had, was it real? If so who DID she kiss? Dean? Sam?

If it was Sam, Was that what the lady in white meant when he had told her 'you can't hurt me. I've never cheated' and she says 'but you will' Could she have been talking about Lilly?

If it was Dean how do you think he feels about kissing a 17 year old. After all that is Jailbait.

How do you think Lilly feels (if) she would remember that she kissed one of the brothers that she is forcing herself to try and hate (or stay distant with)

WHY are the brothers being so nice too her? Did they find something online about her (how?) or do they just feel protective over her?

Gah. **_Review_** & let me know. :)


	8. What Could Not Be Buried

**How do you sleep while the city's burning  
****Where do you go when you can't go home  
****How do you drink when there's blood in the water  
****Where do you turn when the world moves on  
****- Fire on the mountain .//Rob Thomas//.**

I shut the door to my motel room and fell to my knees, tears ran down my cheek, I covered my mouth with shaky hands trying to cover the sounds my guilt, of my sins.

I let Jessica die. I just let her die, I could have stopped it. Her family, her friends… Sam; I could have saved every one of them from feeling this pain.

What kind of person lets someone else die. What kind of person am I? I knew what Azazel would do, I knew the pain she would feel before her death. Yet I let it happen. I stood there and let it happen, I let Sam walk into that apartment and see Jessi-... Oh god, please forgive me.

**Knock.**

**Knock. **

**Knock.**

"Who is it?" My voice cracked, I prayed whoever it was would just go away.

"Its me!" I frowned, and waited a minute. "Dean" his said annoyed.

I got up off my knees and walked the three feet to the door, I opened it a crack not wanting to see Dean. I didn't want him to know I was crying. I didn't want him to see the guilt on my face, but even more so I didn't want to see the pain on his face.

I knew how much he cared for his brother, I knew that seeing Sam in the state of grief would overwhelm Dean.

"Yeah" I said, looking anywhere but at him.

"Mind if I come in?" He said while he pushed the door open, not waiting for a response. I fell a few steps backwards, glaring at him.

"So you want to tell me what you know?" Dean's jaw was locked his eyes blazing anger. I felt heart beat begin to go faster.

Stay calm Lillian.

"What are you talking about Dean?" I tried to make my voice void of emotion, I walked over and sat on my bed, legs crossed trying to look board.

"I'm talking about the fact that you just happen to show up to Stanford to find my father and two days later Sam's girlfriend is dead?"

"Are you forgetting that I was with you?"

"Yeah. How very convenient"

It was very convenient Dean, that was the point. But I didn't say that, "You think I had something to do with this?"

"Who are you?" Obviously that was a yes. Great, he thinks I murdered his brothers girlfriend. I felt a stab of pain. I didn't murdered her, I just turned around and let her be murdered.

"I told y-"

"No. Sam and I looked you up Lilly-"

"Lillian" I growled, he ignored me.

"We did the best search possible. You know what came up on you? Nothing."

Crap. Crap crap crap, Think fast girl.

"You think I would really give you my real name?" I stood up and walked closer to him, "I don't know you. And I certainly wasn't looking for you or asking for YOUR help. until I find your father- I have nothing to explain to you or anyone."

I really need to hack into a few data bases and put a fake trail.

"So tell me Lillian-"He smirked at me "If that's not your real name why are you so upset that I call you Lilly?"

Crap.

"Fine call me Lilly see if I care. I just think Lilly is a little girl sounding name, and I don't know if you noticed Dean, but I'm not a little girl"

I was barely an inch away from him, Looking into his eyes. Hands on my hips, my body language shouting 'screw you buddy'.

I don't know how long we stood there, daring each other to make a move. He finally took a step back and glanced away before finding my eyes again, "Fine. But lets get one thing straight. I don't trust you"

"Back at you" We stood their glaring at each other -again- before he sat on the chair near the table.

"So whats with the water works?"

"What?" I was confused, very confused.

"Come on. Really? I heard you from outside the door. You weren't really quite"

I sighed, "Did you ever think that maybe, Just maybe I'm upset?" He raised his eyebrow, "You don't seem like the kind of girl who cries over someone you don't even know"

"You don't know what kind of girl I am"

"Oh really? Then enlighten me" He put his hands behind his hand and smirked at me, "Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be with your brother-" I took a deep breath then softened my voice a lot, "He needs you Dean. He needs you now more then ever"

Dean looked like he was about to argue then sighed, "Sammy took off saying he needed to clear his head."

He gave me a pointed look, "I'm sure you know all about that"

"You know what. I want you out" I said nodding my head towards the door, "Sweetheart you need me if you want to find my dad"

"You wanna bet? I made it all the way here to Stanford, to his sons. It wont be long before I find him."

Dean got up and walked towards me, "Why is my dad so important again?"

"He'll know how to kill the monster that took my family" Dean shook his head and walked towards the door, "I don't trust you. Don't think for one second that I wont be willing to kill you" He stalked out of the room and slammed the door shut.

'Back at you' I thought to myself as I dropped back onto my bed and let out a sigh of… Well it was a sight of sadness, worry and just plain exhaustion.

I shut my eyes hoping I could just fall asleep and wake up in a perfect world.

A perfect world were I had Ben and my sister. Where my family was alive and happy. Where blood and screams didn't haunt your dreams, haunt your life every single day and night.

That why I had to let Jessica die, even if not for my perfect world. For the future perfect world. Or a world with out the Demons, without the rise of dark power, Without the battle of heaven and hell on earth.

Who knew what Jessica would change if she stayed alive. I HAD to let her die. No matter how horrible it felt, doing so was for the good.

I sighed and got off the bed, I picked up my knife on the table. I shut my eyes and remembered when my father had given it to my sister.

'_Take this Jane' His voice was gruff, as he handed her his knife._

'_dad' She said holding my tiny 7 year old hand in hers, and taking the knife in her free hand. I could tell she was worried._

'_Janie, Listen to me. I need you to stay here tonight protect your sister'_

'_but dad'_

'_No buts Jane. There's talk of something big happening, I need to be there. Do you hear me?'_

'_Yes sir'_

'_Good' he sighed, and put a hand on her shoulder 'Keep this safe. Keep your sister safe. If we aren't back in three nights leave. Go find Robert and his boy Gabe over in oakridge?' _

'_Dad'_

'_I love you two' He gave my sister a small kiss on the forehead before turning to me, 'you don't give your sister any problems you hear?' I nodded my head. 'good girl Lillybean.' he gave me a hug and a kiss. _

_He walked out of room, I looked over at my sister and cried, 'h-h-he gave you his knife' My sister looked at me then at the knife in her hands. 'Yeah. Yeah he did' _

_We both knew what that meant. He didn't think he was coming back. _

I held the knife in my hand feeling the weight of its memories. How weird was it that this knife, It- it felt like a friend to me. Something I had cherished forever.

I grabbed my jacket, and headed out of the motel. Making sure Dean or Sam wouldn't see me leave.

After I was sure no one was following me, I found the spot. It wan an empty field off of the highway. A highway that looked more like a back road. I climbed over the railing, and walked a few yards before kneeling down and dug a large hole with my hands, crying the whole time.

I placed the knife inside the hole and packed the dirt on top of it.

I knew what I did was right. The knife couldn't stay in the past with me. After all, What would the Winchester do if they found a knife that could kill a Demon?

* * *

Its short; I know.  
**Review** anyways? : )


	9. Monsters Don't Sleep

**I'm falling apart.  
I'm barley breathing;  
With a broken heart,  
Thats still beating.  
In the pain,  
There is healing.  
In your name,  
I find meaning.  
-Broken.//lifehouse.//**

I was plagued with nightmares, tossing and turning. Heat overriding my body temperature as I dreamt that I was late, too late to save them. To late to save the world. That no matter what I did it turned out the same.

There was nothing I could do.

I glanced up at the clock a bright green glow told me it was 4:50 am.

How could I be so tired, yet not able to fall into the blackness of sleep that I wanted. I rolled over to my back looking at the ceiling trying to connected the dots making pictures out of nothing. Something I seemed to be trying to do a lot of.

"Screw it" I muttered to myself as I got out of bed, I need air. I need out of this room, of this place, Of this time. I needed Ben, I needed him here with me, If I was in his arms, If I could feel his lips on mine, I could do this. I could do this if he was with me.

I walked out of the apartment barefoot. Sitting on the bench that was right outside my door, I tilted my head back letting the cool night breeze hit my face and body.

I never had that luxury before, letting my guard down like this. Not worrying about being stalked by the monsters that ran my life. Yet, I couldn't find the comfort in this freedom that I lounged for all my life.

"Mined if I join you" I looked up, and tried not to cry when I saw Sam standing there. Hands in pocket, slouching with tear stained cheeks.

I gave a small weak smile, patting the spot next to me.

Sam and I sat there in silence, both lost in thoughts. I knew I should say something, I just wasn't sure what to say?

Tell him I'm sorry for letting his girlfriend get killed? Or maybe beg for his forgiveness? Maybe I should just put an arm around his shoulder, let him know that I was there? God, what am I even talking about. Who would have thought, that I would be contemplating helping Sam Winchester? If Ben was here, he would be disgusted with me. Not that I could blame him.

"It's all my fault" I looked over at him, unsure if I really heard him. He looked at me, eyes pleading with himself. I knew an inner battle was going on inside of him, the dark would start growing. The dark that would lead to the future events.

"Sam-"

"I should have been there with her. I let this happen" His voice angry, he hated himself I could see that in his eyes. I chocked by my tears that were trying to escape.

If he only knew who was truly responsible.

He shook his head and looked at me, "I was going to ask her to marry me, you know, I was just waiting till I found the perfect ring." He shook his head as if to get rid of the memory.

"She's dead and I'm the reason why"

I swallowed hard and looked away, I wasn't sure what to say to him. Tell him it wasn't his fault? Azazel only killed her because of him. That was the truth, Sam knew it. Even if he didn't know why, he knew the truth. If he never got close to Jessica she would be alive now.

"She's gone because there are evil things in this world that thrive on the pain of others Sam."

"Then he's in luck. Cause the pain I feel-" He looked at me, his eyes glossed over with unshed tears. "it could kill. Tell me Lillian, how do you do it? How does your pain not kill you?"

I took a deep breath and shuddered, glancing a way from Sam, "It might not seem like it Sam. But the pain is the only thing that will keep you alive"

"How is that?" he asked sarcastically.

"Because you can feel it, you can feel your pain. That means your alive and If you let your pain, your anger go. Then only thing that will take over is numbness. And when you feel nothing, nothing at all. Your already dead."

"I want to be numb" I heard him say, his voice low and raspy.

I shook my head, "I was numb for a long time Sam, and all it did was make me into a monster"

He looked at me confused obviously wanting an explanation, I looked away tears sliding down my face.

"I was looking for answers to who killed my family, and it turned me into... It turned me into a monster. I didn't care who I hurt as long as I got justice for my family's death. I was a cold cold person., And it nearly destroyed me"

Sam glanced at me, "Your not a monster" I looked into his eyes and knew that he absolutely believed that. It made me sick to my stomach. He was trying to comfort me, Me of all people. I shook my head, "I' have to much blood on my hands Sam. Being a monster is the only thing I can be"

"Don't you see Lillian, You couldn't have saved your family-" I was about to cut him off but he continued, "Everything that happened to you wasn't your fault. My mom, Jess. Maybe my dad. Their all gone. And it's my fault"

"You couldn't have known" I said it before I could stop myself, Of course he could have known. Not about his mom, Not even about his father. But he knew about Jessica days before it happen. But he was so convinced of trying to be normal that he didn't listen to his visions.

"I could have saved her" he whispered before getting up and walking towards his and Dean's room.

I watched him walk away, tears sliding down my face. Wondering if I was the true monster in all this.

_'Ben, I need you Ben'_

* * *

_**IMPORTANT: **__What episodes do you want to see the most with Lillian in them? I'll probably only do about 5 or 8 in each season. -maybe less- So give a few of your fav ep(S) in Season 1, 2, 3, 4. _

_: ) _


	10. Stay on My Side Tonight

**[FlashBack]**

**And then I crashed into you,  
And I went up in flames.  
Could've been the death of me,  
But then you breathed your breath in me  
And I crashed into you,  
Like a runaway train.  
You will consume me,  
But I can't walk away.  
-Crashed.//Chris Daughtry.//**

"Where am I?" My eye lid were heavy barely able to stay up. My throat was sore, and I felt… well I wasn't sure what I felt but it was weird.

"Your home, your safe" I heard his voice say, I frowned. I didn't have a home. I didn't want to be safe. I wanted to be dead.

I SHOULD be dead. There is no way I could be alive after that attack. It was impossible, It was very impossible.

I was to tired, to weak to tell him that.

Soon I drifted back into the black of sleep.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up feeling… Well I woke up feeling like I wasn't on the brink of death. Which didn't make sense to me, I should be dead. I should be with my family, Not here. I got out of the bed slowly, making sure I didn't make a noise. My feet hit the ground without any sound.

I looked around the bedroom I was being held in, memorizing everything that was in my view. You learn to know your surrounding by heart, It comes as first nature anymore. You wouldn't believe how many people hurt only because they didn't pay attention to their surrounds. Foolish mistakes often lead to death.

I frowned noticing there was only one door on the far left, and no windows. The only light in the room was fake. This can't be good.

Shit.

I walked towards the bed stand and carefully opened up the draws.

My knife.

Why would they leave me my knife? I didn't think twice about it, I just picked it up and put it against the small of my back, my pants acting as a holding spot -pants that weren't mine-

I didn't know how many people were here, Or even how armed they are. Sighing, well if they kill me they just kill me. I get what I wanted, I walked to the door when I tried to opened it, it wouldn't budge. I tried the door again, yup, still locked. I frowned and walked towards the mirror that was on the other side of the room.

I touched the dark circles under my eyes. You would think being asleep however long would make it so I didn't look so sleep deprived.

Once again I was shocked to see that I wasn't wearing my normal cloths. No, Instead I was in new cloths. A white t shirt and black -stretchy- pants that flared at the bottom; my feet were bare.

My hand touched the hem of my white shirt, I swallowed and slowly lifted it up. I almost stopped when I saw the scar start of the scar, but I bit back my fear and kept going.

My free hand felt the raised pink edges of it.

Something isn't right.

The sound of the door opening alerted me, I turned around, grabbing the knife. As soon as the person walked in, without hesitation I threw the knife at their head.

Might as well take one out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Your not going to throw a knife at my head again are you?" Ben said as he knocked on the bedroom door. I rolled my eyes, not wanting to deal with him or his upbeat attitude.

"I want to leave" I told him not missing a beat. It was the same thing I told him the past three days.

He frowned at me, "You still need to recover" It was my turn to frown.

It seems as my aim in throwing is off, not to mention fighting. I learned my lesson the day Ben came to check in on me. Not only did my knife miss his head -what a shame- but I was also easily defeated.

"Look I get your trying to be a good guy here. But I want out" My voice was stern, my eyes cold.

He nodded his head looking around the room then looked at me and smiled, "How about a tour?"

"A tour?" I was a little shocked, they had kept me locked in this room the past few days saying it was for safety. I mean what the hell you throw one knife at a guys head and everyone starts saying your some crazy chick.

"A tour." He sounded confident which I didn't understand, "Fine" I had to admit I was curious. For the obvious reasons and also for the fact that I wanted to try to find a way out. Which I couldn't do locked in here.

Fight or Flight. I didn't have a problem in doing ether, though I preferred if I could fight while getting the hell out of there.

I got of the bed an started walking towards the open door.

"You don't need your knife" I glared at him, "I'm taking my knife" He chuckled "Fine. But sooner or later your going to see that no one here is going to hurt you" He smiled at me, his blue eyes glistering with amusement, "But be my guest take your knife. Just try not to throw it at anyone's head" Rolling my eyes, "Lets go"

For the first time in my life I felt… amazed, awed and even a bit of fear as we walked around the compound.

The compound I learned from Ben had been made sometime in 2006, about a hundred and thirty years ago a rich tycoon Avis (who had briefly worked for NASA) who's daughter had disappeared (Demon) and spent millions building the compound underground. Getting ready for a war that most -if not all- people didn't know was coming.

The compound was.. Well. It was very clean. It seemed as if everything was new or at lest taken care of very well. According to Ben no demon could enter. This place was the safest with thousands of spells, symbols, salt, goofer dust basically everything to keep out anything supernatural (Or anything that they didn't want there) I raised and eyebrow to that. Not to mention securities systems that was very advance, letting them see everything at once.

I was speechless as he showed me working computer.

I mean. REALLY? Working computers? I couldn't help but wonder if I was dreaming. It almost felt as if I was living in past. They even had a TV! that played this things called DVDS.

"So this is were all the work gets done" He said smiling, and opened large metal doors. I followed him in and stopped dead in my tracks.

The room was a cross between a library and a lab. "What is this place?" I whispered, people were working and.. I guess I felt weird talking normally.

Ben smiled, "This is where we are going to find out how the hell to stop this war"

"Stop it?" I looked at him confused, how could you stop something like this? All you could do is fight for your life.

"Come on I'll show you" He walked up to a table that had about three people (The people seemed strangely uninterested in me. Which unnerved me a bit) He picked up a book and handed it too me, I frowned looking at it.

"Route 666?" I was confused, I opened the book and skimmed the pages then shut it quickly. Why the hell did he give me an erotica book.

He smirked at me, "Carver Edlund just happens to be a prophet-"

"A prophet?" Ben looked at me, and nodded his head continuing. "His real name is Chuck Shirley-""BEN!" I looked down at the girl who had been sitting at the table, (she was about my age maybe a few years older. Pretty with blonde hair and green eyes) she was frowning at Ben. Ben looked at her, "Relax Amber. We can trust her" This girl, Amber glared at me obviously thinking he was wrong.

"I just hope you know what your doing" she said getting up in a huff and walking out, "what's up with her?" I asked, Ben looked at me. "Your not the only person with trust issues."

Ouch. I looked at the other two people left at the table, who seemed to be looking at me with a 'it's you we don't trust. Why are you even here'

I swallowed an glanced away, "Okay so this prophet?"

"This prophet chuck had been writing the lives of Dean and Sam Winchester" I looked at him confused, "Dean and Sam Winchester happen to be the two guys who set Lucifer free"

I frowned, growing up I had heard stories about two brothers who were the cause of this, yet their names had always been changed and in some situation I had even heard that they were lovers.

"And this Chuck knew this?"

"He was a prophet, protected by archangels and all that. He wrote everything about the brothers. And published the stories."

"And you all are reading these because?" I held up the obvious worn out copy of the book. He smiled at me, "Because in knowing the past we can change the future"

"How do you think your going to do that?" I was confused beyond a doubt.

"By sending someone back into the past and stopping it" I stood there for a second in silence before busting out laughing, "Are you crazy? Have you been inhaling to many chemicals?"

His frowned, "This isn't funny"

"Your talking crazy. No- NO more then crazy your talking time travel."

"There's demons and angels fighting a war that no one would have imagined. There's things that people find impossible happening every single day. Why should this be the only impossible thing?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three months later.

I lend against the entry way of the gym watching Ben as he trained. I couldn't help but be awed by how flawless he was as he defended against attacks; or attacked.

I couldn't believe I was still here; no that was a lie, I could believe I was here I just didn't understand why.

'This is bigger then you are Lilly. You can help us beat these guys at there own game. Or are you so selfish that you only care about yourself?'

Ben's words played in my head as I watched him, knowing that was what made me stay. I was unclear if it was because I wanted to prove him wrong and that at the chance of fighting the good fight was appealing. Even if I couldn't stop this war I was fine with just taking out all the bad guys I could.

I shook my head, and walked closer. Sensing my approach Ben and his fighting partner stopped, I smiled at Eric, "Your letting him kick your ass" he laughed, "I'm not letting him kick my ass, this guy is undefeatable" I glanced at Ben who was watching me and Eric exchange with interest.

I raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?" I asked the question more to Ben then Max.

"I guess you wouldn't mind proving that too me, now would you Ben?" I smirked at him, Not having fought against him or anyone here. I refused to train with them though, I have used there gym to work out. Not to mention the time I've spent learning how to use a bow and arrow. Used their target center for shooting and throwing knifes.

Eric laughed looking at us, "If you kick his ass Amber is going to be pissed" I glanced at Eric then looked Ben in the eye, "If he get a boo boo I'm sure she more then willing to kiss it better"

It was a known fact that Amber wasn't to happy about the attention her boyfriend had given me the first month I was here. It was also a very known fact that they had been together for awhile, from what she so nicely told me. I was fine with the way her and others there treated me, they didn't trust me I didn't trust them. It's a two way street, one that I was fine with.

Yet, I had made friends with Eric's little brother Toby. He was an twelve year old sweetheart who seemed to be the only one who wasn't scared of me or didn't trust me. Not that I hadn't tried to put a stop to the friendship Toby seemed so determined to have with me. After awhile it got hard not to find the little bugger adorable.

"So what do you say Ben?" He smiled at me, "As long as there's no knife throwing I'm in" I grinned back at him, "This is going to be so awesome" Eric said chuckling.

I looked over at him, "You might want to get off the mat" He laughed and looked at Ben, "Good luck man" and walked off towards the benches.

"So what's the rules?" Ben asked grinning at me, "No rules." He eyebrow perked up the obviously disbelief laced his voice. "No rules?" I shook my head grinning, "I'm not one for rules Ben."

I couldn't tell what the look in his eyes was, but it unnerved me more then anything. I knew that he would win a fight against me, so why was I challenging him?

"Okay then. No rules" He said smiling, I was surprised for a moment thinking he would tell me no, set some ground rules. But he didn't and that only made me smile more.

"And let the fight begin"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey" I looked up and saw Ben standing there at my door way, black eye and all his glory. I hide a smile that was willing it's self to come up.

I may have given him a black eye, but he had still won the fight. It was close enough that we both had to work hard, yet I was wondering if he hadn't been letting me get away with a few shots.

"What can I do for you tonight Ben? Is your other eye feeling lonely" I asked smirking, he laughed and touched his eyed. "No, no. But there is a recon mission tonight. There's a warehouse about forty miles out that needs some checking out. You think you want to join in?"

My hand which had been turning a page of the book -Heart- stopped, I looked up at Ben. "You want me to go with you guys?"

He nodded his head and took a few steps into the room, which hadn't changed much since I was brought here. "Your good at what you do-" He smiled touching his eye again "We could use you out there with us"

I didn't know what to say, I was shocked. I had been wanting in on their little 'missions' for awhile now but all of them agreed that I was far to big a liability to go out. They didn't know my skills and plainly they just didn't trust me.

"Yeah. Yeah okay. I'll go"

That was the first of many 'missions I went on with them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was weird, how somehow they subconsciously became like, well like friends to me. Their trust started to grow and so did mine. One mission turned into many where our trust could do nothing but grow for each other. After all when your life is in the hands of others, you better trust them. If you don't you might as well start digging.

I smiled when I saw Toby sitting on the couch in the 'living room' area. I walked over and sat next to him, "what are you reading today?" It never failed to amaze me how much this boy read. Some of the other boys his age had a tendency to pick on him for rather reading then joining in on training. I couldn't help but admire him for it. Though a small part of me that had grown to care for the boy did want him to get training. It wasn't good to be weak physically in this world. Book smarts were something to be cherished and applauded but knowing how to kill a demon was something that was needed.

"Edgar Allen Poe" He said not looking up, I smiled at him,

"From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were; I have not seen

As others saw; I could not bring

My passions from a common spring.

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow; I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone;

And all I loved, I loved alone.

Then- in my childhood, in the dawn

Of a most stormy life- was drawn

From every depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still:

From the torrent, or the fountain,

From the red cliff of the mountain,

From the sun that round me rolled

In its autumn tint of gold,

From the lightning in the sky

As it passed me flying by,

From the thunder and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view."

Toby looked over at me shocked then a smile broke out on his face, "You know Poe?" I nodded my head, "My father had a book of his. Every night before I went to bed my sister or him would read me one of his poems, That one just happens to be my favorite. Do you know it?" He smiled and flipped a few pages before handing me the book, I looked down and smiled. Then sloppy hand writing caught my eye on the bottom of the page, 'Not everything is as it seems'

"Did you write that?" Toby shook his head, "No its always been there"

Weird…

"So are you going on the mission tonight?" I looked at Toby and saw worry in his eyes, I caught my breath for a moment when I felt my heart break. He was worried about me getting hurt, I knew the feeling welling. I had it every time my sister or father left.

"Yeah. Going to kick some Demon ass" He frowned at me turning his attention back to the book, sighing then closing the book and looking at me. "I don't think you should go" I frowned, "Why?"

I shrugged his shoulders, "I just think you should stay here tonight" My head tilted to the side, "Hey I'll be fine." I nudge his arm with mine, "When I get back how about we talk more Poe?" Toby smiled at me, "Fine but if you think I only have this book your mistaken" Laughing I stood up, "I wouldn't doubt it kid" I said shaking my head before walking away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I walked back with Ben to the compound, I couldn't help but feel a little.. Well weird. Here I was almost a year after trying to kill myself and for the first time I felt a bit of hope. I looked over a Ben and couldn't help but smile, Not that I would let him know I felt anything for him. Not that I did feel anything for him, I just though he was really, really good to look at.

Tonight's Mission was a quick run of the mill check the area. So it was only going to be me and Eric until Eric was called on another duty, Which led Ben to be my partner for the night.

It had been weird around him the last few weeks. After his 'break' with Amber he had been solemn and more of a loner then I had ever seen him.

I could feel Ben's eyes on me, "What?" I whispered as we walked in the dark. If you were someone looking on, it would be almost as if we were part of the shadows.

"Nothing" He said I could tell he was shaking his head, I rolled my eyes. "If you have something to say, just say it already."

He chuckled, "I was just thinking about how much has changed"

I frowned not knowing were he was going with this. He was silent for a moment before saying with laughter in his voice, "You've come along way from throwing a knife at my head"

"Har har. A girl makes one mistake and you'll never let her live it down will ya?" We had both stopped and faced each other.

Though it was dark out, and we had no light. The moon was enough so that you could see the outline of his smirk, "Where's the fun in that Lilly?"

We stayed standing there facing each other, I wasn't sure why but I got lost in his gaze. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart started to beat faster. I kept glancing at his lips then his eyes.

_This isn't right, he has a girlfriend. I can't have my first kiss with someone who has a girlfriend. Oh please let him kiss me_.

His hand slowly reached out and touched my face, "Your beautiful" He whispered as he lend in slowly. My heart felt as if it was going to stop. I swallowed hard trying to think of something to say to him. My mind kept drawling a blank. I could feel the heat come off of his body as his lend in closer, his face was only a few inches from mine. I shut my eyes waiting for the connection to be made.

_One, _

_Two, _

_Three,_

The kiss never came, only the sound of a loud explosion going off in the distance. My heart began to race for an entirely different reason as me and Ben ran off.

It took only 8 minutes and 46 seconds before we found the explosion. Only 8 minutes and 46 seconds before we found out our world was shattered. The building the had stood over the entry way to the compound had exploded, The ground it stood on crumpled, fires surrounding the woods near it was on fire.

I stood there watching the flames unable to move, "Lilly, Lilly come on" Ben said grabbing my hand pulling me away from the fire. It only took me a moment before I took my hand back and stopped, "We can't just run Ben we have t-t-to help" I screamed at him.

"Lilly" He looked me in the eyes, his own eyes glistered with tears he looked behind us at the wreckage. "There's-" I shook my head not letting him finish that sentence. If he finished that sentence, If he took away any hope.

"Lilly look at me" He took my face into his hands. "We have to get out of here. Whatever did that was big and bad and probably still around" I nodded my head, but my feet stayed still, "There we're others out tonight patrolling the other parts of town. They might still be out there. We have to find them and regroup" I nodded my head and looked back at the fire.

_'I just think you should stay here tonight'_

Toby voice echoed in my head a felt tears fall down my face. Oh Toby.

"We have to go Lilly" Ben voice was more urgent more demanding. I knew he was right, I don't know how but I ran away holding Ben's hand even though everything in my body screamed at me to go back, I didn't.

We kept running for what seemed like hours. Though I knew it was probably only thirty minutes or so. Ben led me to a random house that had been long gone and forgotten.

As soon as the door closed behind us, as soon as he said that in the morning we would go back and look for survivors. As soon as I looked into his eyes I felt myself falling. He held onto my as I cried my eyes out.

I just wanted to pain to stop. I just wanted everyone to stop dying and I wanted these damn demons gone. But most of all I just wanted to be numb so all this didn't hurt anymore.

Ben held me through the night, never letting me go. Even after I had fallen asleep he still held on too me.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know it wasn't very filling with info. But i promise there is a reason for that. :)  
Sorry about all the extra typo's this chapter :( I wanted to hurry up and post it!!!

**angeleyenc:** Thanks for telling me what ep(s) you would like to see. I'll deff be using some :)

So tell me what ya'll think. Reviewing makes my muse & me happy. So go on, You know you want too. :)


	11. Leaving A Trail

**Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear  
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear  
Take the wheel and steer  
It's driven me before  
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal  
But lately I'm beginning to find that I  
Should be the one behind the wheel  
-Drive.//Incubus//.**

The car was unusually quiet as we drove towards Backwater Ridge. Sam was sleeping, Dean's attention was on the road in front of him, and me, well I just kept looking out the window not making a noise.

We had just left Stanford after a week of Dean and Sam searching for clues as to what happened to Jessica. Dean still not trusting me didn't want me anywhere near them as they looked, Sam seemed to just accept me into their little duo, though I think it was mostly from his lack of emotion at the moment.

I let out a sigh not even realizing it, I caught Dean's eyes in the rearview mirror. "You know I'm still a little confused on what your deal is?"

I knew I shouldn't have made a noise. "You know Dean, I'm out of my element here too. I wouldn't really call being here a walk in the park for me ether" He snorted, attention back on the road.

"Then tell me why you're here?"

"I told y-"

"You need to find my dad for his help. Yada yada, now tell me the real reason."

"That is the real reason Dean. Why do you keep thinking I have some deep dark motive, you've done all your test. Holy water to drink, Silver, not to mention your 'cristo' every day to make sure I don't flinch. Which by the way is getting annoying.-" I shook my head, not that he could see, his eyes were still glued to the road "Your dad is a great hunter if not one of the best out there, I'm sure many of people have tried to find him for help. I'm just the only one lucky enough too get you instead"

"Listen sweetheart, you are lucky you got me. Hell your lucky I didn't kick you out the first chance I got" he glanced at me from the rearview mirror, "I still might." I could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't believe me. That he knew I was lying. Why shouldn't he, I was lying. But, I had to keep the game up. I had to hide the truth from him and Sam at every cost.

"So where did you learn to play pool like that?" I was weary about the sudden shift in conversation. How could I tell Dean that the Compound had a pool table, where I spent many hours by myself playing trying to keep my mind off of the war that was going on outside?

The night before we had stopped at a bar to 'eat' I had made a quick buck hustling unsuspecting guys out of their money. It was their fault for thinking a girl couldn't win at pool.

Now that I had money I could buy some cloths, and not have to ask Dean to pay for my room at night. I don't know why it bothered me so much asking/taking money from them. Oh yeah, I know why. Cause their obsession with saving each other is going to get thousands of people killed.

I wasn't sure what to say, though I was saved when Sam jerked awake, Dean suddenly forgetting about me went into 'big brother' mode, "You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine" You could tell from his voice he was anything but fine, I saw Dean nod his head not believing, "Another Nightmare?"

Jessica's death had gotten to him, more then him or Dean could even imagine. But I knew, I knew and I just looked out the window pretending not to notice or care.

It was better that way wasn't it?

Sam cleared his throat and looked out the window, uncomfortable to be talking about this.

"You wanna drive for a while?" Dean asked suddenly, I don't know why it surprised me, Dean didn't let anyone drive his car -his baby- unless it was a life or death situation.

Sam laughed sourly, obviously thinking the same thing and knowing why Dean was asking him, "In your whole life you never once asked me that"

"Just thought you might want to, never mind" Was that a ping of pity I felt for Dean? No couldn't be.

"Look man, you're worried about me, I get it and thank you but I'm perfectly okay." I wondered who was the biggest liar in the car, Sam or me?

"mmhmm"

"All right…where are we?"

I looked back out my window, wondering what I had gotten myself into. And if I could survive it.

"We are just outside of Grand Junction."

The sound of Sam opening up a map filled the car, "You know what? Maybe we shouldn't have left Stanford so soon."

"Sam we dug around there for a week, we came up with nothing. If you wanna find the thing that killed Jessica…"

"We gotta find dad first." Sam said with a sigh.

What the hell am I going to do when they do find John? I wondered.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Later that day after Sam and Dean had talked to a ranger -while I waited in the car, Dean's order- After we went to talk to the Haley girl: Which I also waited in the car for, Again Dean's order. Then surprisingly we ended up at a bar.

I stood at the jukebox picking out random songs mumbling under my breath about 'assholes' Dean had so kindly slid some change over and said with a wink, "go make yourself useful" If I new anything that he truly didn't like I would have put that on. Instead I took my chances by just picking random songs -not knowing any myself-, hopefully one of them will annoy him.

I walked back to the table taking my time, wondering if Dean would ever trust me? And if he did, would I even want that? I mean I'm just going to betray them in the end anyways. So maybe Dean has the right idea to hate me.

I slid back onto my chair and listen to Sam,

"So, Blackwater Ridge doesn't get a lot of traffic, local campers mostly. But still, this past April two hikers went missing out there, they were never found."

"Any before that? " I tried not to notice the look Dean gave me as he talked.

" Yeah In 1982, eight different people all vanished in the same year. Authorities said it was a grizzly attack. And again in 1959 and again before that in 1936. Every 23 years, just like clockwork.-" Sam pulls out his laptop and show's Dean something "Okay watch this. Here's a clincher. I downloaded that guy, Tommy's, video to the laptop. Check this out."

I saw something dark moving along the tent, it was in the moment that my heart started to race. I don't remember what it was… I read that damn book over ten times and I- I forgot it.

" Do it again. " I said my voice barely above a whisper, Dean and smirked at me, "That's what she said" I looked at him confused? 'that's what she said? Really?' I shook my head. Sam ignored his brother and said, "That's three frames. That's a fraction of a second. Whatever that thing is, it can move."

"Told ya something weird was going on".

"Yeah. I got one more thing. In '59 one camper survived this supposed grizzly attack. Just a kid. Barely crawled out of the woods alive."

"Is there a name?"

Sam smiled at Dean, "Already got the name and address" Dean looked at clock took a swig of his beer, "Alright then, lets go"

I took a sip of my cola, and picked up my jacket. "So you like STP?" I looked at Dean and raised my eyebrow. What was with him and his weird language. STP? What the hell was an STP? He smirked at me, "Stone Temple Pilot the band that's singing. The band you put on" He gave me a weird look, "Why would you put on music you don't know Lilly?" I said nothing I just kept his gaze not back down, he finally shook his head, "Whatever lets go"

I took in a deep breath, I was going to have to be careful around Dean.

---------------------------------------------------------

"You gotta be kidding me…Duck Lilly" I sighed and laid back on the backseat of the Impala.

"What is it?"

"Looks like Hailey her brother and some guide. Your going to have to stay in the car"

"WHAT?"

"Look we're going in as Rangers. You don't really scream Ranger. Maybe stripper-" I kicked his seat "HEY! There better not be a mark" I rolled my eyes and snorted.

"So I'm just going to stay out here?"

"Dean maybe she can come. We can say she's shadowing us or something?"

"You really think that would work?" Sam sighed, "No"

"Fine I'll stay in the damn car. Just leave the keys"

Dean laughed, "Your crazy you know that?"

"What am I suppose to do Dean?"

"I don't know. Take a nap or something?"

"I'll leave my laptop out here"

"Thanks" I said begrudgingly, though thinking about it. It did give me enough time to get together a 'story' for when they try to research me again.

"Try not to get into trouble Lilly. And if there is one mark on my baby I swear-"

"You'll kill me. I get it." Sam gave a small smile. Dean shot me an evil glare.

I waited about five minutes before sitting up.

I don't know why Dean being mean to me bothered me so much. I mean, I should be great full to him for it. It's not like I'm here to make friends with them. It's not like I even like them, well, like who they will be.

So then why was I so upset about Dean not trusting me? Though he shouldn't trust me? Was it because I wasn't as good as lying as I thought I would be? Yeahhh. That is probably it. I should be doing a better job at getting them to trust me. That's why I'm so upset.

I took out Sam laptop and began to fiddle with me. It was still weird, touching a computer, let alone a laptop. But Ben had insisted I get to learn how to use one. So I spent countless hours in the compound lab with Hack. I couldn't help but smile when I thought about Hack and how silly of nickname it was. But I guess when you're the best Hacker the world has you can afford a silly nickname.

I remember him explaining to me how in big cities the Humans (or I'd like to call it traitors) worked for the Demons. I spent half my life thinking the worlds population was nearly wiped out, when in fact that wasn't the case.

You had a few different types of 'people' in my time.

You had the Humans (Traitors) Who still ran things and worked. Who would have thought the Demons would want some places in the worlds to still resemble a city.

You had the Humans Like us, Who stayed hidden or fought the demons above ground.

You had the Demons who possessed Humans who acted as guards keeping watch. Then there were others' Demons who didn't need to possess a human to be able to walk around among us. They we're the most powerful, They were Lucifer's right hand.

I swallowed hard thinking about him.

I reminded myself that it wasn't the time to think about the past, I had to get this up and plant a fake history on Sam's laptop.

First thing first, I needed a name. Obviously Lillian had to stay apart of it. (for Dean's sake) I smiled, And put a false trail for 'Christine Lillian Sullivan' Born on April 5th 1988 born too Janice and Robert Sullivan. Older Sister Jane Topanga Sullivan born May 13th 1982 Older brother Cory Masan Sullivan (Twin to Jane)

I hacked into a few news paper around the Boston area reporting of a missing family. About how the cops wondered if it was connected to the 'death' of Janice (mother) and Cory (son) on October 22 1993.

I hacked into the police (FBI) files about the missing children and added myself. (No picture available) And for the sake of being suspicious I added a random article about the death of a unidentified male around the age of 20 in the summer of 2004' The cops called the accident suspicious but never had any leads.

After hours of putting in false information, then more hours of cleaning Sam's computer (so he couldn't tell I put the stuff there) I added false history that would link him to the articles I had placed. Hopefully they would think I was too careless and forgot to get rid of my history for when Sam checked (which he would undoubtedly do) Though there was a chance it would backfire and they would be suspicious of the sudden 'slip' I also added random history for random websites and a lot of video's from you tube.

I sighed wondering when my life got so hard.

Oh yeah, that's right. The day I was born.

By the time I was done it was morning. I wondered briefly if I should 'hot wire' Dean's car and go for a drive to find food or if I should go in the woods and check to make sure their okay.

I yawed, Or take a nap.

I'm going for the nap.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up when it was dark, my back was stiff and my neck sore. I heard movement outside the car and sat up suddenly.

When I saw in the light it was Sam I relaxed.

Ha. Whoever thought I'd be relax seeing Sam Winchester.

I got out of the Car sensing they would need help, Dean was already on the phone calling an ambulance.

I helped them with Tommy and sat him down on the bench near the ranger station where I crouched down in front of him.

"Dean get me a shirt" I told him, Dean looked at me and frowned. I sighed, I really wished he would trust me.

"Hey Tommy, I'm Lilly" Tommy nodded at me, still a bit loopy and sore I'm guessing. I took off my T-shirt (I had a wife beater under it) and began to wipe off some of the blood he had on his face.

"Sam can you get me a bottle of water out of the car?"

Sam took off with out another question, I shot Dean a glare that said 'why can't you be that helpful'.

When Sam returned I poured the water on my shirt and began to wipe off more cuts.

"Is he going to be okay?" I looked at his sister and nodded, "He'll be fine"

It wasn't long before a few rangers showed up and an ambulance who had took of the duty of caring for Tommy and his brother and sister.

Dean and Sam also got checked out, a ranger told me I was lucky I didn't have a scratch on me. Hailey let the comment slid. Obviously her (and her brothers) had found out the Sam and Dean weren't rangers. I wondered briefly what they had told her.

I watched as they loaded Tommy into the ambulance, As a ranger interviewed Ben.

" So I don't know how to thank you." I heard Hailey say, I turned in time to see Dean stare at her with a smirk. "Must you cheapen the moment?" She asked with amusement in her voice.

"Yeah." I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes.

"You riding with your brother?" the ambulance lady asked, "Yeah-" Hailey nodded to her younger bother "Lets go" Before she left she lend in and kissed Dean on the cheek.

" I hope you find your father." So he told her that he was looking for John? I frowned, Dean smiled at her as she walked away "Thanks Sam" She said smiling.

That time I really did roll my eyes, So what they saved her. Girls really need to learn how to save themselves.

"Man I hate camping" Dean said, "Me too" Sam agreed, I couldn't help but snort. THEY didn't have to sleep in the back of the Impala all day.

"Sam, you know we're gonna find dad, right?" Sam looked at Dean and smiled, " Yeah I know…but in the mean time…I'm driving. "

I got into the backseat with a frown. I really hopped we didn't drive all night.

"You know from now on I'm going with you guys"

I saw Dean shot Sam a look and snort, before he had time to say anything I continued, "Look I get it Dean you don't trust me. You don't even like me. But I'm not staying in the car anymore waiting for you to figure out I'm a good guy. I can help you find your father."

"This is a big If, but IF we let you come with us on these hunts you listen to us and you follow our rules. I don't need you getting into trouble and messing everything up. The first time you do, Your out. I don't care if you can help us find dad or not"

We sat in silence for a moment "Got it?"

I smiled, "Yup"

He turned around and faced me, "And your lucky my baby is still in one piece" I laughed, "Your lucky you werent' anylonger. I was about to hotwire her" Dean's mouth gaped opened in shocked.

"Hey Sam?" I said ignoring Dean, "Yeah?" I could hear his amusment, "Can we stop and eat. I'm starving"

Dean turned back around, "Lets go get some pie-" He sighed dramaticaly, "I'm out of M&M's"

* * *

Hey guys, I know this was short & not very Dean:Sam/Lilly filled. But I wanted to point out. a) Dean doens't trust her, So having her go with them in the woods didn't sit to well with him. He had trouble evern letting her stay in his car... Think of that as Dean's little test of trust. B) I tried writing it first with her going (which is why it took awhile to update) but i delted it cause it didn't go right. As i sorta said, Roy (the guide) wouldn't have let Lilly go anyways. And that would have blown Dean and Sam's Ranger status. SO it was best to leave her in the car. which brings me to point c) this gave her time with Sam's laptop to put in a fales trail of her life. Cause lets face it sooner or later (if not already) Dean and Sam are going to start wondering why this girl doesn't have a history.

Anyways, From now on she will be going on hunts with them...

So come on & review :)


	12. Moon's Lover

**[Flashback]**

_**If I build a wall  
**__**A hundred feet tall  
**__**Would that keep you in?  
**__**If I shackled your feet  
**__**So you couldn't leave  
**__**Would you try and run?  
**__**If I promise not to fight  
**__**At least not tonight  
**__**Would you stay the night?  
**__**If I wore that little dress  
**__**That you like the best  
**__**Would you pass my test?  
**__**Would you stay?  
**__**Would you stay with me  
-Stay .//Michelle Featherstone//**_

We never found them.

They were gone. Every last one of them was gone. There were no bodies to find, there were no survivors.

I cried for their deaths, for their pain. I cried for myself and all the chances I would never get. I cried for Ben and the lost of all his loved ones. But mostly I cried for Toby. My poor innocent book worm Toby.

"Lilly?" I felt Ben touch my shoulder gently, I didn't even hear him come up behind me.

"Yeah" my voice was low and horse.

"We have to leave" I took a deep breath, I knew the time was coming. We had been hiding in the area for the past month looking and waiting for some sign of hope.

"I know"

"Hey, look at me" He turned me around so I was facing him. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to see his sadness. More so I didn't want to see my reflection in his eyes.

"We are going to make it out of this. We're going to win this war. That's what they would want from us-" His fingers under my chin lifted my face to his forcing me to look into his eyes, "We're still here" he whispered it softly but it hit me with the force of bricks.

Tears came pouring out of my eyes.

That was the problem wasn't it? That we're still here while our loved ones are dead. Death is easy, its those that survive it that feel the excruciating pain of reality, of life.

He pulled me too him caressing my hair as he whispered in my ear telling me it would be alright.

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"How can you still be talking about this Ben!" My voice was near hysterical. "Lil-"

"NO! We should be out there fighting. Not running around the country trying to find these stupid ingredients!"

"This is the only way to beat them!" He gripped my shoulders, his face pensive as his eyes locked with mine.

"time travel is nothing bu-bu-but a waste of time! Who is going to go me? You?! Ben we need to look at this realistically. Time travel is impossible-"

"No it's not!" His face became fierce as he stared at me, "Ben" My voice soften. I brought my hand up and grazed his cheek with my fingertips. He shut his eyes and leaned into my touch.

"I'm sorry. I Just… " His eyes opened stopping me mid sentence. "I need you to believe in this Lilly… In me" His eyes never left mine.

His hands went to my waist gently staying on my hips.

His touch felt like fire through my veins.

"Lets say I do, How are we going to travel back" I asked him, he sighed looking at me and frowned before putting his forehead against mine.

With his eyes shut he said softly and remorsefully, "Not we Lilly, But you. Only you"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't help but notice how the moonlight hit his face as he slept there.

We hadn't been able to find a safe place to stay, so are only option was this field that had nothing around it for miles.

We had planted symbols of protection around us, around the land incase anything should find us. But I doubted that they would.

It's been three months since- since we lost everyone that night. Here I was staring at Ben under the moonlight as he slept wanting nothing more then him to wrap me in his arms.

Was that horrible? That when he talked I wanted to kiss him. When he slept I wanted him to hold me. I was losing my mind -and heart- here with him.

I sighed and looked away.

He told me I had to go back. Only me. It was silly to think he could be right, that he somehow could send me back.

He said we needed a spell, that they had found it the night the compound… I shut my eyes not wanting to think about that spell.

He said he had it memorized, that he was going to perform it.

I asked him why him? And he just looked at me and said that he was the only one that could. I didn't question him, all you had to do is look into his eyes and see that he needed this. He needed this like the air he breathed… Like how I needed him.

I couldn't believe I let myself get attached. In this world, in my life… getting attached only meant one thing. Pain.

We had traveled thousands of miles to get ingredient for this spell only to find that we needed to perform it in a place that has yet been touched by evil.

Where could we find that? Is there still a place left in this world untouched by evil? That seemed more impossible then time travel.

I wondered what Jane would think of this, of time travel. That the worlds future or I guess past rest in my hands. She would probably laugh at me with a smile on her face and say something a long the lines of 'well baby sister, I guess you have your work cut out for you. Try not to mess it up with yah?'

"Lilly?" His voice was groggy, I looked over "did I wake you?" I asked wondering if I had some how made a noise. He shook his head and lifted himself up, keeping one arm on the ground to support his weight. "Why aren't you sleeping?" He yawned.

"Can't sleep" I mumbled low, looking back at the moon.

"We have a long day tomorrow." I nodded stilling gazing at the night sky. I heard him shuffle around before I felt him put his hands on my shoulders.

"Do you know why the moon is so lonely?" I frowned, "No?" Ben put his arm around my shoulder, "Because the moon has a lover"

I looked at him curiously, he gave me a small smile before continuing, "You see the moon and her lover were both sprits in the immortal realm. They adored each other as they were going to spend eternity together. One night the Moons lover asked a trusted sprit in the immortal realm what to get the moon as a gift, the trusted sprit told the moons lover to travel to the mortal world and get the moon wild flowers, the moons lover wanted nothing more then to surprise her; so he did as he was told.

What the moon's lover didn't know what the trusted sprit was in love the moon also, and that once you left the immortal world you could never return.

Not being able to return the lover can only look up to the sky every night to see the moon, while the moon can only look down upon her lover.

They can look at each other for eternity, but never can the known the feeling of their lovers touch. The moon is lonely, because she has a lover."

I shut my eyes feeling the moister seeping through.

"Your crying?" he asked me, I shook my head no.

"Lilly look at me" He was in front of me now holding my face in his hands, "Lillian" I opened my eyes as the tears ran down my face.

I couldn't understand the look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry" He whispered, "No.. Its- It was just sad that's all" I said as his eyes searched mine. I didn't want him to feel guilty over telling me that story. It wasn't his fault I was a complete wreck. I shut my eyes trying to compose myself.

His thumb caressed my cheek, "Your even beautiful when you cry" My eyes snapped opened, "wh-what?" He gave me a small smile, "I'm going to kiss you Lilly"

I stood there shocked as his head bent down towards mine, "so beautiful" his whispered before his lips crashed into mine.

His kiss was soft, gentle. I had never in my life felt as I did in the moment.

My eyes shut, my hands that had been hanging idly by wrapped around his neck. My body arched into his, a soft moan escaped my mouth as it hungrily kissed him back.

In that instant I forgot the world, forgot the war that was raging on around us. Death, destructions; all the blackness of life that I had always felt, that always was in front row in my life seemed too vanish. There was nothing but Ben and I, nothing but the feeling of my heart falling in love for the first time.

* * *

**_DISCLAMIER: _**That story about the moon is NOT mine. It belongs to X-men Origins. I just took it and made it fit into this story. BUT i suggest you watch the movie cause the actual quote/ scene in the movie is SOOO much better then what I had Ben tell ;)

Aaaaaaahhh Benny. :)

eh. Okay, I'm done day dreaming. Hehe. Anyways, This was a short update I know. BuUUut it is an imporant one. You see when she fell for Ben the first time, I mean really. Wouldn't you fall in love?

Next chapter is Lill with the boys. I promise ;)

Review? Pretty please? with sugar on top... And Dean & Sam on top of that... With whip cream on top of them... Ehhh. Okay, I'm shutting up now. :)


	13. Dead In the Water

**To buy the truth and sell a lie  
****The last mistake before you die  
****So don't forget to breath tonight  
****Tonight's the last to say good-bye  
A Modern Day Myth //30 second to mars//**

"Can I get you anything else?" The blonde waitress with a flirtatious undertone to her voice asked Dean, Who in all his own right was smiling back at her with a 'I'm about to get lucky' look in his eyes.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at these two. Was this how easy it was for them in this time? Just go to a dinner and you get picked up?

"Just the check, please." Sam told the blonde when he sat down, obviously annoyed with his brothers flirting.

At lest he has some self respect, I thought childishly.

"Okay." The blonde said with a tight smile and sigh before walking away with one last 'come hither' look at Dean.

"You know, Sam, we are allowed to have fun once in a while," Dean points to the girl he was just flirting with. "That's fun."

I snorted at Dean "No, That's a tramp." It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Dean glared at me, while Sam looked at me with a surprised expression that was somewhat amused.

"What?" I asked hesitantly before taking my last sip of iced tea.

"You called her a tramp" Deans said it like I had insulted someone important.

"She is"

"Why do you think that?"

"She was undressing you with her eyes and was making it well known"

"So? I was undressing her with my eyes"

I gave him a pointed look that caused Sam to laugh and say, "I think you just proved her point man"

Deans brow furrowed in confusion before glaring "HEY!"

I laughed, "Don't look so offended Dean. You obviously don't care about your image. If you did you wouldn't be undressing random women with your eyes, Just like she wouldn't be undressing you with her eyes" I made a face, "But to be honest I don't see why she would be"

Sam laughter got louder bringing more attention to our table.

"Sweetheart you wish you could see me undressed." I snorted, did he actually believe that?

"Yeah right Dean. I don't do senior citizens, Your what? Thirty?"

Dean's mouth opened to respond then he snapped it shut. I knew he was only twenty-six but it felt good to take a jab at him.

Glaring at me he hands an amused Sam a news paper and says grumpily, "Here, take a look at this, I think I got one. Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin. Last week Sophie Carlton, 18, walks into the lake, doesn't walk out. Authorities dragged the water—Nothing. Sophie Carlton is the third Lake Manitoc drowning this year. None of the other bodies were found either. They had a funeral two days ago."

"A funeral?" Sam's voice was indescribable, all the laughter was gone.

"They buried an empty coffin. For uh, a closure or whatever." Dean said with a shrug of his shoulders, still glaring at me.

"Closure? What closure? People don't just disappear, Dean. Other people just stop looking for them." His attention turned to Sam, "Something you want to say to me?"

"The trail for dad—It's getting colder every day."

"Exactly, so what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Something, anything."

"You know what? I'm sick of this attitude. You don't think I wanna find dad as much as you do?"

"Yeah, I know you do, it's just—"

"I'm the one that's been with him every single day for the past two years, while you've been off to college going to pep rallies. We will find dad, but until then, we're gonna kill everything bad between here and there. Okay?" As Dean finished saying this the waitress dropped the check on the table, with a wiggle of her hips she walked away grabbing Dean's attention along with her.

Sam rolled his eyes and looked at me. I smiled at him and mouthed 'tramp' he smirked, "All right, Lake Manitoc…-"still not getting Dean's attention he yelled "Hey!" While I kicked Dean under the table

"Huh?" Dean asked clearly annoyed by the interruption.

Sam smiling, "How far?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure your okay?" Sam asked leaning in and feeling my forehead, I flinched at his touch. "I'm fine Sam," I sighed, "Really I am"Dean paused at the door and snorted, "Screaming like you just got run over by a truck doesn't really scream 'fine' Lilly" I ignored his comment, "I' must be coming down with something"

Or you know, it's some sort of side effect from traveling back in time. I thought begrudgingly to myself. No need for you two to know all that now. "All right well we're going to go talk to the victims family, come on Sam"

Sam paused and looked down at me, "If you need anything call Dean's cell" he said handing me his own phone, I forced a small smile and nodded. "Sure you guys don't need any help?" "Yeah cause all we need is you tagging alone having another episode" "Whatever" I muttered under my breath at Dean's comment. "Just get some rest" Sam said before him and Dean headed out. I sighed falling back into the bed that was in Sam's and Dean's room.

How was I suppose to do my job when I kept having these 'episodes' that Dean liked to call them. It doesn't make any sense, I didn't have them before I got here to this time. So it had to do with being here? Didn't it? It's not as if I could go to a doctors and ask, 'hey what effects would time travel have on the body?' My mind kept wondering what the hell was wrong with me as I drifted off into sleep.

_"You need some big magic to pull this off boy" The lady with dirt covered clothes and long white hair and gray eyes said staring at Ben with an expression of distaste and oddly enough wonderment._

"I think I can handle it" He said smirking at her as he took the velvet bag from her frail hands. I wasn't sure what it was, all Ben had said was they needed it to perform the ritual. Half the time he talked about it I didn't understand. Going back in time? Saving the world? Stopping the Winchester brothers? All of that seemed well, it just also seemed fiction to me.

"Lets go" Ben said taking my hand, I felt happy to leave this place and it's owner. Cold frail fingers grabbed my wrist, I stopped frozen in my tracks.

"Time is a funny thing girly. It has a mind of it's own leaving traces of its self in every corner" Ben gave the old lady an odd look, "We're leaving" The old lady smiled at him showing her missing teeth. "Ah, Yes I see now. Footsteps are a hard thing to follow when your heart is walking in the opposite direction" she warned.

I woke up feeling complete out of place and exhausted. I had this unbelievable feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, as if the floor under me was about to give out. "Thanks." I heard Sam's voice got out of the bed and walked towards the window wondering who he was talking too. I peeked out and saw a women looking at Dean with an unreadable expression, "Must be hard with your sense of direction. Never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line. Enjoy your stay! "

Amused Sam said, "Kids are the best"? You don't even like kids."

Looking hurt Dean replied, "I love kids."

"Name three children that you even know." Dean stood there scratching his head as Sam gave one last chuckle and walked to the door, I scurried back to the bed not wanting to get caught eavesdropping on them. "I'm thinking" I heard Dean say when Sam opened the door and shut it with an amused expression on his face.

He noted that I was up and walked towards the bed with a small worried smile, "How are you feeling?" I was thankful he didn't touch me again. Did he notice my flitching before? "Better. A lot better" The door opened and Dean walked in looking thoughtful. "Lilly," He said with a nodded to me "Good to see you aren't dead" and walked into the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes, "He's a jerk you know that right?" Sam said getting his laptop out . "Yeah. I got that"Silence followed other then the sound of the bathroom sink and Sam typing on the keyboard. I wonder briefly if I should suggest getting my own room now that I felt better, "So how did it go?" I asked surprising myself. They sound of keys being hit halted for a moment before going again, "It went okay didn't really find to much out. The victims brother swears he saw something pull his sister under while the sheriff is saying that's impossible." "How many people?"

"There's the three drowning victims this year."

"Any before that?" Dean asked, walking out of the bathroom. It was obvious he didn't care to eavesdrop

"Uh yeah…six more spread out over the past 35 years. Those bodies were never recovered either. If there is something out there, it's picking up its pace."

"So what, we got a lake monster on a binge?" Dean asked looking skeptical.

"This whole lake monster thing—It, It just bugs me." Sam said shaking his head fingers still clicking away.

"Why?"

"Loch Ness, uh Lake Champlain—There are literally hundreds of eyewitness accounts, but here, almost nothing. Whatever it is out there, no one's living to talk about it."

Dean stood over Sam's shoulder watching before pointing at the screen, "Wait, Bar, Christopher Bar. Where have I heard that name before?"

"Christopher Bar, the victim in May. Oh…Christopher Bar was Andrea's husband. Lucas' father. Apparently, he took Lucas out swimming. Lucas was on a floating wooden platform when Chris drowned, two hours before the kid got rescued. Maybe we have an eyewitness after all."

"No wonder that kid was so freaked out. Watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over. " Or watching your brother, I thought looking directly at Dean.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We walked through the park and I couldn't help but feel jealous of the scene in front of me. It was selfish and cold but I wished I could have been that care free when I was younger.

Was this what it was like to be young in a world were the only demons you know of were on tv?

"Can we join you?" Sam voice brought me out of my thoughts and I noticed we were standing in front of Andrea. I gave her a small smile, "I'm here with my son." That one statement said a lot. She was a mother to her core, her child came first.

Another pang of jealousy hit me, knowing I would never get to feel that.

"Oh…Mind if I say hi?" Dean asked, She just smiled at him and gave him a nodded. That's all it took for Dean to walk over to Lucas.

I watched as he sat at the table with Lucas picking up one of his toy soldiers and playing with it before putting it down grabbing a crayon.

I knew he was doing it to get answers, yet there was this look on his face. A look I've never seen when it came to Dean Winchester. One I didn't know was possible.

It made me wonder if Dean truly did like kids? Maybe it wasn't about him not liking kids, maybe it was just that he knew he would never had children of his own. Not with the life he leads.

In all the books I had read about these two, I don't think I ever fully understood Dean's connection to the kids. I don't even know if it mentioned it.

Did it?

I felt a small smile tug on my lips as I watched him. This Dean Winchester in front of me was in his element. It made my heart hurt knowing that maybe in a different life, In a different time he would get that. He would get a life filled with your ordinary sadness and joys.

He would get that child he secretly longed for, and a wife. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself.

Dean Winchester with a wife? Please, that was impossible.

"Tell your friend this whole "Jerry Maguire" thing's not gonna work on me." Andrea said looking amused, I smiled.

Sam had a small sad smile on his face as he said, "I don't think that's what this is about."

And I wondered if maybe Sam had the same shocking realization as me.

An uneasy feeling crept into my gut. I hated thinking of Dean as, well, as a human. It only made my job harder.

Andrea said in sad tone once Dean reappeared, "Lucas hasn't said a word, not even to me—Not since his dad's accident."

I felt my heart fill with pain for that little boy who was dragged into a this world.

Maybe this time and place wasn't as happy and carefree as I thought It was. After all the monsters were still here, they just hid in the shadows of the dark preying on those who wandered in close to them unaware of their existence.

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I threw myself down on the bed once Sam and I got back to the Hotel. Sam gave me a worried looked while Dean just Ignored me, "So, I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie."

"What do you mean?

Still throwing worried glances my way he said, "We just drove past the Carlton house. There was an ambulance there. Will Carlton is dead."

"He drowned? "

"Yep, in the sink."

"What the hell? So you're right, this isn't a creature; we're dealing with something else."

"Yeah, but what?"I bolted off of the bed and into the bathroom throwing up nothing but stomach acid. It burnt my throat and nose as it came up causing me to gag in pain.

"She sick again?" I hear Dean ask, he sorta sounded worried. Though I wasn't too sure cause I felt as if I was about to die. So I could I have been imagining sighed, "She got a headache again on the way to grab the food. I was going to bring her back here when we saw the ambulance, I was going to keep driving but she refused saying that if I didn't go check it out now she'd cut off a part of my body and I have one guess at which part" Dean whistle low, I ignored them throwing up some more. "She didn't throw up in the Impala did she?" Dean asked in a rushed worried tone.I could only imagine the look the Sam gave him. "So what do you think it is?" Sam asked again after a moment of silence.

"I don't know. A water wraith maybe? Some kind of demon? I mean, something that controls water, Water that comes from the same source."

"The lake."

"Yeah."

"Which would explain why it's upping the body count. The lake is draining. It'll be dry in a few months. Whatever this thing is, whatever it wants, it's running out of time."

_Time is a funny thing girly. It has a mind of it's own leaving traces of its self in every corner_I felt my body weaken with each breath I took. Something's wrong, very wrong; something that just might be killing me. I dry heaved once more as tears ran down my face. Hearing Sam and Dean's voices in the next room did little to comfort me. If anything at all, it made it worse. What if I died before I finished my Job?

"And if it can get through the pipes, it can get to anyone, almost anywhere. This is gonna happen again soon." "And we do know one other thing for sure. We know this has got something to do with Bill Carlton. "

I was barely aware of what they were saying, my head resting against the coldness of the toilet.

"Yeah, It took both his kids."

"And I've been asking around. Lucas' dad, Chris—Bill Carlton's godson."

"Let's go pay Mr. Carlton a visit."

The foot steps were heavy as they walked towards me, each thump felt like a bullet to the head. I groaned.

"Hey we have to head out. You need us to get you anything?" I was surprised that it was Dean who had asked and not Sam. I kept my head down, "I'm fine!"he sighed, "You don't look fine Lilly, I think it's time for a doctor" I groaned, which only made me want to throw up again. Yup, here it was. "That's disgusting" Dean Winchester could handle a lot of things it seemed, but throw up? Wasn't one of them.

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Dean and Sam woke me up saying that we had to get out of town. I followed, not really feeling up to ask questions. My head rested against the cold Impala window, eyes shut, as I concentrated on my breathing. I knew if I threw up in Dean's car I'd get in trouble if not killed.

"Green."

"What?"

"Light's green."I opened up my eyes wondering why they were talking about the lights.

"Uh, the interstate's the other way."

"I know. "

I don't know if it was from me being sick or from being half asleep while they talked, but I was confused.

"But Dean, this job--I think it's over. "

"I'm not so sure."

Oh, I get it. We aren't leaving. I shut my eyes and put my head on a new part of the window that was cool. I sighed in relief.

"If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, case closed. The spirit should be at rest." You could hear it in Sam's voice that he thought Dean was losing it.

"All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done. You know, what if we missed something? What if more people get hurt?"

"But why would you think that? " Again with Sam's confused, what is Dean doing voice.

"Because Lucas was really scared."

I tried to picture what happens in the story, what happens to that boy, but I kept drawling up blanks.

"That's what this is about?"

"I just don't want to leave town till I know the kid's okay"

Silence.

"Who are you, and what have you done with my brother? " Sam said some what amused.

"Shut up."

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"Lilly… Lillian"  
"Is she waking up?"  
"No"  
"Well is she breathing?"  
Sighing, "Yes Dean she's breathing just in a deep sleep"

I wanted to tell them to shut up but I couldn't.

"Okay, so we leave her"  
"We can't leave her"  
"uh, Yeah we can."  
"Dean"  
"Sam" More sighing.  
"Fine lets go"

finally, I thought as I drift back into sleep.

"_What was she talking about?" I asked Ben once we were far enough away from the crazy lady. He kept walking, "I don't know" I knew he was lying and that hurt me more then I thought it would. I tried again, "Ben?" I'm not sure if it was the sadness in my voice that made him stop and turn too me._

"Lilly.. I just" he sighed running his fingers through his hair, "I can't talk about it. Not right now" I nodded and started walking feeling foolishly rejected. His hand reached out and pulled me back into his arms, "I'm sorry. I promise I'll tell you. Just, give me a few days"

"Okay" I said into his chest. "I," He took a deep breath and blew up threw his mouth making a whooshing noise, "I care about you Lilly. I don't want you to hate me"

"I could never hate you" I pulled back from him and looked into his eyes, "Never. Do you hear me Ben?"He smiled eyes shining bright, "Yeah. I do" I stood up on my tippy toes and gave his cheek a kiss, "Come on lets get out of here, that lady freaked me out." I said before pulling back.

_Laughing he pulled me closer, "Me too" _

My eyes snapped opened, my head stiff. I fell asleep in the Impala, I looked around wondering what woke me up. I saw Dean and Sam run towards the lake with shovals, Sighing I got out and started jogging towards them but the time I reached them they were digging with their hands.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked when I reached them. Dean looked up and frowned, "Mind giving us a hand here?" I rolled my eyes and started digging.

"Peter's bike." Sam said quietly, once again I was lost as too what was going on. You think that I was from the future I would be one step ahead. Guess not, I thought sourly to myself.

"Who are you?"

The three of us spun around to see a guy standing there pointing a gun at us."Put the gun down, Jake."Jake? Jake! The father/grandfather sheriff.

"How did you know that was there? " He said ignoring Sam.

"What happened—You and Bill killed Peter, drowned him in the lake and then buried the bike? You can't bury the truth, Jake. Nothing stays buried."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." He shouted out Dean.

"You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney 35 years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about.

"Dad!" Andrea said running towards us looking back and forth with a scared expression.

"And now you got one seriously pissed off spirit."

"It's gonna take Andrea, Lucas, everyone you love. It's gonna drown them. And it's gonna drag their bodies God knows where, so you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt. And then, after that, it's gonna take you, and it's not gonna stop until it does.

"Yeah, and how do you know that?" Jake said still pointing his gun at us. I had to remind myself that he was human and not a Demon. Killing him would be bad.

Right?

"Because that's exactly what it did to Bill Carlton."

"Listen to yourselves, both of you. You're insane."

Dean shot him a death glare, "I don't really give a rat's ass what you think of us. But if we're gonna bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them, and burn them into dust. Now tell me you buried Peter somewhere. Tell me you didn't just let him go in the lake. "

"Dad, is any of this true?"

"No. Don't listen to them, they're liars and they're dangerous.""We're dangerous? You're the crazy guy holding us at gun point!" You could hear how pissed off I was at him in my voice.

Andrea started grabbing her fathers attention from me, "Something tried to drown me. Chris died on that lake. Dad, look at me. Tell me you—you didn't kill anyone."

He looked away from her, his omission of guilt, "Oh my God."

His voice came out desperate and rushed, "Billy and I were at the lake. Peter was the smallest one. We always bullied him, but this time…it got rough. We were holding his head under the water, we didn't mean to. But we held him under too long and he drowned. We let the body go, and it sank. Oh Andrea, we were kids. We were so scared. It was a mistake. But, Andrea, to say that I have anything to do with these drowning, with Chris, because of some ghost…it's not rational."

Dean shared a look with Sam before saying, "All right listen to me, all of you. We need to get you away from this lake, as far as we can right now."

But I wasn't listening, something had caught my attention.

"Lucas" His name slipped out of my mouth as Andrea eyes snapped to were I was looking.

Lucas left the house.

He was walking towards the lake. I felt as if my heart was about to explode. I was frozen watching him. My mind yelling at me to move while my body was in shock knowing something terribly horrible was about to happen to him.

"Lucas!" Jake the crazy gun wielding sheriff yelled.

As soon as Lucas hand reached into the water we all took off running.

_Please, Please not him. _

"Lucas!" Dean shouted, the pain evident in his voice.

"Lucas! Baby stay where you are!" I could tell she was near tears.

I wanted to yell out to him but I couldn't.

_Please, Please not him. _

Time stopped.

A hand shoot up out of the water grabbing Lucas hand and pulling him down.

It happened.

"NO!"

I didn't think I didn't wait I ran faster. Something I thought was impossible. I didn't look back, I didn't think. I jumped off the dock feeling the cool air against my body as I threw myself in the air. The cool water took my body, I went down.

Oblivious to Sam and Dean behind me.

My eyes opened in the blurry water searching, hoping, praying too see him.

I'm aware of Dean and Sam but I ignore them and keep my breath held as I go further down.

How long can you stay underwater before damage is done? I didn't answer my own question, I didn't care. It didn't matter.

I pushed myself harder, going further down in the water.

My head feels foggy and stuffed. It feels as though my brain is being crushed.

My body reacts to the danger forcing to go back up for air. I try to fight it but it doesn't work. I hit the surfaces gasping for air.

I see Dean dive back down, Sam following suit. I try to follow but my body is still aching for the air. I instantly hate myself for being so weak, for not being able to help him.

Then it happens.

Something so breathtaking beautiful in the most painful way.

Dean rises to the surfaces with Lucas in his arms.

I don't know if I should smile or cry at the beauty of the scene in front of me.

_He Saved him. He Saved him. _

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Later that night while I was in bed, I let go of all my tears realizing I made a horrible mistake.

I put my life in danger to save that boy with out a second thought; I put his life above the millions that depend on my survival.

I curled into a ball and cried for hours knowing that I made a mistake that I didn't regret, Knowing that Ben was foolish to send me. I was to weak emotionally and physically to do what he needed.

How do you decide who lives and who dies?

* * *

Who do you think that old lady was  
What do you think Ben's secret is?  
Why is Lilly sick?  
Can she be forgetting everything she read?  
If so how will that change the story?  
What do you think about her putting her life on the line for one boy when her death could be the death of millions?

On a side note; Phew, while writing this my computer shut off on me & I lost about 4 pages *cries* so sorry if the end is sorta lacking but I honestly didn't feel like writing it again.

So review : )


	14. Storm

**IMPORTANT A/N: **This chapter is **rated R & [Flashback.]** So if you don't like reading any lemons or if you too **YOUNG** to then go back now, or skip to '**_-_-_-_.' **cuz, Corruption isn't on my 'to do list' today, sorry ;)

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She knew tonight was it, the look on his face said it all when she walked through the door. "It's time, isn't it?" she murmured knowingly, as tears filled her eyes.

Lillian wasn't asking for any declarations of love. Why would she, if tonight was the last night they had together.

Ben walked over to her and cupped her cheeks into his palm. "If there was any other way-" She cut him off not liking the look of guilt that played in his eyes. "I know," she told him, knowing the truth of her own words.

She bit her lips before slowly going up on her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek, before turning her head to whisper in his ear. "Tonight, can tonight just be about us. Nothing else?" A smile appeared on his face as he whispered back. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Cupping her face in his hand he turned slightly catching her eyes; eyes he had grown to care for over the year. They looked at each other with nothing but longing and fear. Longing for each other, fear of what was to come tomorrow.

He took a chance with eyes closed as he dipped his head down, his lips gently touched hers. her eyes fell Shut as she lend more into the kiss deepening it. His arm wrapped around her waist, drawing her up against him.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, her body arching into him. His hands slid to her hips, his fingers touching the warm flush skin under her shirt. She looked into his eyes before grazing her nose along his jaw taking in his scent that was all him. She pressed closer to him not able to feel close enough, She placed a kiss at the base of his neck.

His hands instantly griped her hips tighter pulling her up, her legs wrapped around his waist and instantly his mouth was on her hungry for the closeness, for the feeling of her on him.

"I. Want. You.-" She said in-between kisses as she gathered more air. "I. Need. You." He pulled back at the desperation that laced her voice and stared at her noticing her puffy lips and lust filled eyes.

He knew in his gut he should break it off, tell her no. But he couldn't, for the life of him he couldn't. He was to weak, he needed her as much as she needed him. So he smiled at her before closing his eyes and resting his forehead against hers. Gently placing a small chaste kiss on her lips he whispered, "I love you" Before moving towards the old worn out mattress that laid on the floor of the abandon house.

He kneeled down placing her on the bed, wishing for the first time that the place was more romantic, more clean. As if reading his thoughts she smiled whole heartily at him before brushing her fingers against his face comforting him. "I love you Ben," He felt his heart skip a beat with fear and anticipation.

This was what he wanted wasn't it? He asked himself, quickly answering yes.

Her legs were still wrapped around him though her back was on the mattress, and her arms still around his neck as looked into his piercing blue eyes.

She was scared and nervous but most of all she was eager and hungry for what she thought she would never have.

Love.

He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and smiled down at her. "Your so beautiful Lillian. You look like an angel." His lips met hers for a quick kiss before he pulled back. "You're my angel, our angel. You'll save us all."

She felt tears prickle in her eyes, she swallowed hard unsure of what to say to him. He had so much faith in her, she didn't know how to save the world. But she would try, she would try with everything she had if it meant saving him.

She didn't have to say anything though, before she knew it his lips were on hers again and he was kissing her as if his life depended on it.

"Wait," he pulled back again with a gleam of mischief in his eyes he got off the bed leaving her there feeling lonely from the loss of his body on hers. "I found this earlier," She saw him pick up a black round object off the floor, "What is it?"

He smiled up at her and hit a button on the object, "it's a Music player," He set it down on the floor, a low hum of the player trying to work filled the room. Lillian raised her eyebrow at him smiling, "I don't think it works."

He walked over to the bed and kneeled on the bed, his knee in between her legs the other one on the outside. He leaned down and kissed her, "I know it's not really romantic but-" She cut him off. Her hands sat on top of his shoulders before finally sliding upward, cupping his neck on either side, fingers threading in his hair she pulled him down towards her kissing his lips. "I wouldn't have it any other way," She told him.

Her words rang with truth. Sure, the only light in the room was the few candles they had found the previous night, and the moons light through the window. Sure, the bed could be more comfortable and cleaner. But, she had him and that was all that mattered.

He smiled down at her, and soon music began to play.

_how long have I been in this storm _

"Make love to me Ben," She whispered into his ear, he swallowed hard as his hands slid up her calf and thigh before resting at her waist, his thumb stroking her sensitive skin under her white shirt. He looked into her eyes as if asking for permission she smiled arching her back as his hands grabbed the fabric of her shirt and lifted it up and over her head leaving her in nothing but her white bra.

_so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form _

He kissed her lips, then the corner of her mouth before trailing kisses down her neck and chest. The closer he got to the flesh of her breast the faster her heart started to beat. He placed soft kisses on top of her bra before lowering his mouth to her stomach, he could feel her inhale and exhale deeply underneath his mouth making him smile against her.

_water's getting harder to tread _

Her eyes shut tighter as he got lower, she could feel the heat gather between her thighs. His fingers skimmed above the top of her pants sending shock waves through her body. His hands unfasten her jeans, pulling them down legs placing small kisses on the inside of her wasn't long before she was in nothing but her bra and navy boy short.

_with these waves crashing over my head _

Her hands clutched his shoulders before spreading them out moving herself into a kneeling position, forcing him to move away from her, her hands traveled down his shoulders and back taking in every inch of his body before reaching the end of his shirt, his arms went up as she pulled it above his head.

_if I could just see you; everything will be alright_

Their eyes locked and she smiled before leaning in to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with his hair, her body moved till she was straddling his lap. She pulled his bottom lip with her teeth, gently sucking it causing a small throaty moan to escape his mouth. She smiled against him.

_if I'd see you; the darkness will turn to light _

He felt her hands run up and down his smooth back, not leaving any place untouched. He copied her, not wanting to forget the feel of her soft porcelain skin, his fingers traced small patterns' on her back before gently gliding them along her sides before making their way back to her back, her unclasped her bra. He heard a small gasp leave her mouth, he looked into her eyes and saw fear but more so he saw her desire to continue.

_and I will walk on water; and you will catch me if I fall _

He was aware that her hands left his back and went to her own shoulders as she moved her bra strap off of her shoulder, letting them slid down her arm leaving her bare for him to look at.

_and I will get lost into your eyes; and I know everything will be alright _

She held her breath as his eyes caught sight of her, never before having someone look at her like this. Never having someone see her this close and personal before. She shut her eyes wondering want he would do, worried that he might turn away.

_and I know everything is alright _

What she didn't expect was to feel his lips on her, leaving a moist trail on her breast. His teeth grazed her nipple, as his hand kneaded her other, her head went back as her back arched further. Wetness between her thighs growing hotter. Her body rubbed against his trying to rid some of the growing tension.

_I know you didn't bring me out here to drown; so why am I 10 feet under and upside down_

She could feel him thick and ready between the fabric of his jeans. Her hands slid over muscled stomach before finding the top of his jeans, her fingers fumbled with button before finally getting it undone.

_barely surviving has become my purpose; cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface_

He looked into her heat filled eyes as he heard the sound of his zipper, her hand slid in-between his jeans and boxers causing his body to jump.

_if I could just see you, everything will be alright, if I see you, the darkness will turn to light _

He grinned at her before dipping his head in for a kiss. "That's not fair." He told her, and she smiled against his mouth. "Hey, all's fair in love and war." She told him. He paused at her choice of words.

_and I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall and I will get lost into your eyes _

Shutting his eyes he kissed her roughly, flipping her over so her back was now back on the mattress and he was in between her legs.

_and everything will be alright _

She was breathing heavy, her eyes open and on his as her hands tugged at his jeans. "Take em' off." She breathed into his mouth. He did what he was told with out breaking their kiss.

_and I will walk on water, you will catch me if I fall; and I will get lost into your eyes _

They fell into the night making love knowing that, by morning light they would have to leave and start making there way towards the church. That by twilight her body would lay lifeless as she traveled into the past.

_and everything will be alright, I know everything is alright _

But tonight was about them, and nothing else.

_everything's alright _

**-_-_-_-_-**

He took the silver knife from his belt as She held her arm out.

"Do you give yourself over freely and fully?" He asked his voice laced with the pain and guilt was inside of him. "Yes" she said as she ran the knifes' blade down across his wrist. she forced herself not to cringe as he offered her his wrist, she licked the red pool of blood that felt like acid to her stomach.

"Then what is, shall be no more" He said as he raised the blade to her heart, a tears running down his face.

A loud boom sounded as the wooden doors of the church exploded.

"BEN!" she screamed at the sound knowing that they were down to the final seconds. She looked towards the door and saw him standing there, looking like he did the last she saw him.

"Lillian look at me" she looked to Ben who had tears in his eyes.

"I love you Lillian. I will always love you" He said as he took the knife and slammed into her heart.

Her body buckled with the impact of the knife to her heart. Her eyes gaped open as blood began to pour from her new wound, and mouth. He eyes rolled back into her head as gravity took over pulling her lifeless body towards the ground only to be caught in the arms of the man she loved, the man who's knife pierced her heart.

He held her there tears in his eyes knowing it had to be done. There was no other way, sending her back was the only way. It's all there has ever been.

Legions of demons and fallen angels surround the boy and his lover. They parted way for their King, the light bearer, Lucifer.

He walked slowly towards the boy holding the body of the girl in his arms. A smile crept his face, he clapped his hands together.

"Well done," He turned to those waiting in the shadow. "Be gone. Tonight we celebrate." Static of fulfillment filled the air as those around him began to cheer leaving the church to celebrate.

Lucifer turned to the boy and knelt down outside of the protective circle.

"It was the only way," he told the young man with centuries of knowledge in his voice. Ben looked up tears in his eyes his body shook with anger at the man before him. "No, No it wasn't."

Lucifer sighed and smashed his hand into the ground breaking the circle before crossing into it. "Take her body and be gone," His voice was stern. "We still have more work to be done before we can truly call this a victory,"

Ben shut his eyes feeling Lillian lifeless body in his arms. His cold blue eyes locked with the piercing blue ones of the man in front of him, "Yes father." Lucifer smiled at his son knowing that though he felt pain for the loss of this girl, that as father and son they will gather together to reclaim what is there, what was taken from them. Her life and death was just the setting point of all of this, they needed her to set the brothers on the right course that would free him. Ben knew that, so he did what had to be done. Even if it meant sacrificing and manipulating the only girl who ever made him feel human. After all, all's fair in love and war.

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Reviews = Love = Updates ;)  
&& the song is Storm by life house :D


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